COVIDating: First Dates
I love first dates, y'all! So I'm going to tell you how to prep for a first date, how to prep for the actual date (including how it’ll go down and what you can talk about), and how to end a first date!
First thing’s first, keep it light!
The most successful first dates are the ones where you feel really comfortable and confident! Yes, part of that’s about being comfortable with the other person and if the conversation is good, but the majority of it is how you show up.
You need to be doing things every single day that allow you to cultivate self-confidence and higher self-worth. Get to know yourself! As the old saying goes, you have to love yourself first before you can really love another person. I believe that, y’all! The person you’re in a relationship with doesn’t complete you... They just enhance your life!
I also recommend doing affirmations before you go on a first date! Use this as an opportunity to remind yourself all of the things you love about you! Regardless of how the date goes or how they make you feel, what’s important is how you feel about yourself.
Click here to check out my favorite daily journal for gratitude & affirmations! I recommend it to all my clients!
On the day of the first date, you want to make sure that what you wear and how you’re presenting yourself is really authentic! (And a little more flattering than the typical quarantine sweatsuit!)
Remember: Energy is infectious! Positivity is infectious!
When it comes to deciding if you’re going to meet on Zoom or FaceTime or in person, just put feelers out and ask the other person what makes them comfortable in the COVID era. Then be specific about when you’re available! It's important to not seem too available though, even if you're free all weekend, I recommend only giving one week night and one weekend date option. You have a life, friends, hobbies, and your own priorities! If your date is interested they'll make your schedule work. If you're free every night of the week, I would suggest that you dive into your passions, hobbies, and friendships while you enter the dating scene. It will help you to stay unattached and focused more on yourself! If your date doesn't bend to your schedule, they're not the one. And that's okay! There are more people out there that aren't right for you then there are that are!
According to the book The Rules: Time-tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right by Sherrie Schneider and Ellen Fein, it is recommend that you should not accept a Saturday night date after Wednesday. At first when I read this, I thought that was a little extreme and not realistic... However, with more time living up my Single Life in NYC, I have since changed my tune on this and I actually agree with Schneider & Fein on this!
Isn't it better to know that someone is thinking of you ahead of time, blocking off the time in their calendar, anticipating the date with you all week compared to you being a last minute or back-up option when another commitment follows through or they get to the weekend and realize they don't have plans? I think so! I'd want my date to know they want to go out with me over the weekend and to be thinking about me and our date all week! So I have stopped accepting dates after Wednesday night and I simply say that I'm busy, and leave out the details of my actual plans. If someone is interested, they will learn to ask you out sooner to lock in a date!
Prior to going on your date, it is important to journal and reflect on what your priorities are so you can ask questions on the date that help you discern if the person is aligned with your values. Not sure where to start with nailing down your values and priorities for relationships? The book Single Is Your Superpower by Case Kenny helped me get clear on my non-negotiables and I know it would help you too!
Once you’re on the date, as I mentioned before... keep it light!
You want to be your authentic self, but there is no need to have super deep and vulnerable conversations on the first date... Save your childhood traumas, neurocies, and grievances about your ex for another day when you feel more comfortable with the person.
Schneider and Fein recommend that on the first date you come off as a mystery, which leaves them wanting more. It's best not to give away too much information about yourself too soon. And people looooove talking about themselves. So when in doubt, ask them more questions and dig deeper!
As for ending the date… I don’t recommend lying, so just be honest if you need to get up early the next day or if you're getting tired! Schneider and Fein also recommend that you end the date first! Don’t worry about upsetting anyone when ending the date. It’s less about what you say, and more about how you deliver it.
First dates should be fun! It's natural to feel nervous, but try not to let the uncertainty or the pressure to be perfect stop you from putting yourself out there! You got this! DM me and let me know how your dates go, can't wait to hear!
