Episode 9
[00:00:00] Welcome to The Be About Being Better podcast, where we help people make evidence based sustainable. Small changes for their health that compounded the huge shifts towards a better, more vibrant life. I'm your host Ace, a health and life coach, future registered dietician, a master's graduate from Columbia University, and a certified intuitive eating counselor.
And I believe that we can't make lasting or meaningful change single handedly. So I'm so happy that you're here so that together you can see that a diet free, sustainable lifestyle is possible, and you can leverage that to live a better life. And remember my disclaimer, This podcast is meant to give you general information.
And it's not meant to substitute or replace medical advice, a diagnosis or serve as treatment.[00:01:00] Hello. Hello. Welcome back to the Be About Being Better podcast. Today we are gonna be talking about how to build confidence, the specific things that you need to do, and also the things that you need to let go of to build more confidence in your life. Yeah. I'm so excited because we're gonna be talking about some mindset stuff.
We're gonna get really tangible, and you're gonna have so many different tips and tricks to take away from this episode to start building more confidence. I'm so excited. Uh, but before we get into it, as I am recording this right now, I am looking out one of the windows in my office. And outside on the screen.
Thank God it's not in the apartment. There is a stink bug just curling around, having you know, the time of his life trying to get in . Oh my God, y'all know that I cannot deal with bugs. Traumatized, triggered all the things. Thank God. I mean, I know that y'all heard the mouse situation one of the previous episodes, and we have not seen [00:02:00] Stewart Little since.
It is fine. I think that mouse was just a one time thing when we had so many boxes. About the bugs. Y'all know that I cannot do bugs, whether it's bedbugs, roaches falling from the ceiling in my New York City apartment, like I can't have it. But honestly, me being triggered and traumatized by bugs started way, way earlier than my time living in New York when I was growing up.
We always vacationed on Lake George, which is in the Adirondack in upstate New York. And my parents would send me to camp camp like camping camp out in the woods, full on cabins. We had for a couple meals, they had a whole cafeteria and like meal times as a group for the whole camp. But we also had classes where we learned how to cook food over a fire.
We had to pitch a tent. We had to do the whole, like bear backpack, trees to get away from bears. I'm like, [00:03:00] full on seven years old. Why am I like fearing from my life with bears? Like, this is just not the vibe. And so I was terrified and I was always afraid to go to the bathroom.
Because there were always daddy long legs in the bathroom. Now I know that these I, they don't affect us and they are very friendly. But just the fact that they're big, I can't do it. And they would be all over the bathroom, so I would never go to the bath.
Every summer I would literally wet the bed because I would be terrified to get up in the middle of the night to. Like to go to the bathroom. , I'm sorry, this is like such a gro story, but like I would have to wait until free swim to go to the bathroom, but I was absolutely terrified.
So that's when my anxiety around bugs and being outside, Oh, here's the, I've said it before and I will say it again. It's not that I don't like being outside. I just hate being outdoors. And there's a difference there, in my eyes. There's definitely a difference there. But that's [00:04:00] where it all started. So next weekend I'm going with a couple friends.
We rented a cabin in Asheville, North Carolina. We're Nashville, going to Asheville. And we're going with pretty outdoorsy viewing. It's a couples, couples trip, couples getaway. It's gonna be so fun to like, make s'mores and be inside. But they, like, were planning the itinerary and they like wanna go on a full on hike.
Absolutely not. Um, I will not be joining for that, but thank you so much. Please drop me off at some cute boutiques. Maybe a nice winery, um, coffee shop. I could, I could do a coffee shop. I've heard Asheville is such a cute town. There's so many things to do. I'm not sure why we have to be in the woods. Like I'm, This is going to be like a full on Meredith Blake situation for me.
I will not be able to , I will not be able to deal with it. So I'm kind of freaking out. Um, Oh God. And if there's things that y'all think that I should bring, if you are afraid of bug, things that you do on [00:05:00] camping trips with people that are outdoorsy, or even people that if you are outdoorsy yourself, please tell me what to bring.
Cuz the first thing on my packing list is off. I'm gonna need to get these bugs off of me. Um, so that, I'm definitely gonna pack that. Not really sure what else to bring. Do I need hiking boots? Like I, I'm not really sure how to prepare to keep myself safe and keep the. Off of me. I know I'm going to get some of those repellent, bug repellent candles.
Those seem to work fine. I feel like I've used those growing up a lot and those seem to be effective. Um, but if y'all have any other suggestions for being out in a cabin in the woods as a non outdoorsy person, please send me a dm. Greatly need your help. And uh, so definitely check out my Instagrams if you're not already following me on Instagram getting, getting the stories Abbey tv, as some of y'all like to call it.
Definitely tune into my Instagram stories. That's where it's happening in [00:06:00] live time. Uh, I'm pretty sure we'll have service. We're not gonna be like that far out in the woods.
Like definitely could not let that happen. Um, I'd be like, literally, I'm not paying for this. I'm sorry. Um, , there's no way. But, so we're not like completely out in the woods, but it is kind of a cabin situation. So there will be spiders, there will be bugs, and I just cannot deal with it. But I'm gonna do the best I can with your help.
Please send me a DM if you have any advice for kind of being out in a cabin in the woods. And then tune in live time for my Instagram stories. So now we're gonna transition into how to build confidence. And honestly, I, I need these tips.
I feel more confident in a, an outdoor setting. So what we're gonna talk about today, all these different tips you can apply to so many different areas of your life If you wanna feel more confident in the office, in your career, if you want to feel more confident in different skills like public speaking, if you wanna feel more confident in, in your academics, if you're in school right now, if you wanna feel more confident in relationships, whether that's romantic or friendships, or navigating the dating pool, If you just wanna feel more [00:07:00] comfortable and confident in your own skin and you wanna cultivate more body confidence.
This is for you. So we're gonna talk about so many tips, and the first tip that I have is that we have to recognize that when it comes to confidence, it's an ever evolving journey. we never actually arrive and get to a place where we never have to work on confidence. It's something that we have to keep getting better at.
It's something that we have to keep recognizing as an opportunity for growth. And it's something that is a journey that is evolving over time. And I think this realization can be really, I don't, I don't want you to see this as you feeling deflated or, or defeated by hearing, they're like, Oh, like I'll never achieve peak confidence.
No, you can, and these tips are gonna help you get. But you'll never get to a place. None of us will ever get to a place where we're finally confident now and we don't have to do any other work. [00:08:00] That's not how it works and that's not realistic and that that's not our values be about being better as part of being part of this community.
You believe that we can always be striving for a higher level of success. That's what it means to be about being better. So we don't wanna rest on our laurels like we want to. Constantly evolving ourselves. So I don't want you to get upset that we can't ever arrive to confidence cuz you can arrive there, but it's not something that is then stagnant.
It's something that's ever evolving. You can always get more and more confident in various situations. So I hope that instead of feeling defeated or deflated when hearing that you actually feel inspired and you feel empowered because every opportunity. And every instance that you don't feel confident right now, every situation where you feel a little uneasy.
That should be an an opportunity for you to be like, Oh, there's an opportunity for me to grow. There's an opportunity for me to get more [00:09:00] confidence and see that as a growth opportunity and feedback for yourself versus something that's limiting, Oh, I'll never be good as, Or, Oh, I'll never be a good public speaker.
Or, Oh, I was uncomfortable on this one date, so I'm just gonna stop dating. It's like, No, you can use these instances in our lives. As an opportunity for growth and an opportunity to build more confidence, which is really inspiring. So I hope that you go into this episode with that mindset that this is possible for you.
And if you ever have, or I should say when you have, because it's inevitable that we will be in a situation, we all will be in situations where we don't feel confident. I don't want us to see that as a barrier or as a limitation. That is feedback for ourselves to be able to be more confident again when we're in that situation in the future.
And really the first tip is having that mindset switch. The next is [00:10:00] that you have to recognize that there is a confidence competence loop, and this is something that you may have heard of, whether in school or in other personal development areas, we are able to develop more confidence by getting more confidence in a certain area, getting better, more proficient.
in a skill. Because we normally don't feel confident when we're not good at something. So if you get better at something, you will feel more confident doing it. And we do things that we feel confident in more often. So the more confident you feel, the more that you're going to take action or do that behavior, or practice that skill, whatever it is.
And the more that you practice, the more that you do it, the more that you take action. The better you'll get and the better you'll get. You get more confident, the more C confidence you feel, and the more confident you [00:11:00] feel doing that skill, you will do it more often and it ends up being a positive feedback loop on itself.
So first you gotta find a hobby, you gotta find a skill, something that you actually wanna invest time in to get better. And it doesn't mean that you have to go pick up a new language and start learning Italian. Okay? Although if that's what you wanna do, please, like that would actually be kind of a good idea.
But if that seems intimidating to you. There's so many things that you could do. I mean, public speaking is huge. I think that's one of the greatest people fear dying and people fear public speaking. That's . That's how much people fear public speaking gets right up there with death. It's crazy. So that could be a skill to work on.
But it could be anything. I just wanna encourage you, I don't really care what it is. I just want you to invest in a skill, invest in a hobby, because that will allow you to have more confidence.
And if you start to have confidence in one area of your. I [00:12:00] guarantee you that you will start to have confidence in other areas of your life. It will bleed into other areas of your life where you currently don't feel confident. So I would say double down on a skill that you enjoy or an air of your life that you want to improve on.
And that maybe is kind of the low hanging fruit. Maybe it is makeup or, I don't know, getting better at journaling or meditating. I don't know exactly what it's gonna be for you. Or maybe it is learning a language double down on that, and then that will help you see that this process works and it will bleed into other areas of your life and encourage you with time to develop greater competence in other areas of your life with other skills so you can gain confidence in more areas of your life.
And it's important that you're not afraid to be seen starting small. Especially with, you know, things like learning a language or starting a business or changing career paths, starting a new [00:13:00] job. I think a lot of people are afraid to take the leap because they're afraid of being seen starting small, and I don't want that to hold you back, you with these things.
I just know from experience with starting my business four years ago, Nobody believed in me. Um, at that time, everyone believed in me going to medical school, but I ended up investing the entirety of my savings into a business coach to start my business. People thought I was crazy and I was living at home at the time.
I mean, my mom cried when I told her that I did that and I was starting my business. My sister was also living at home at the time. She didn't speak to me for like two or three weeks at home. It was a very like hostile environment at my house. Cause everyone was like, What are you doing?
Like, you're throwing your life away into some online business that doesn't make any sense. It's random and you just carelessly threw away your money. Like, what are you doing? So, you know, sometimes these things don't make sense to other people, but the best. And I wasn't ready to start [00:14:00] my business, but I felt called.
Felt driven, and it was very much a gut intuitive feeling that I had to follow. And that's the best time to start when you feel called but not yet ready. So if you feel called or inspired to work on a new skill through this podcast episode, but you're not quite ready, maybe you're afraid to be seen starting small or you're not quite sure what to do, like just take, just ask yourself what would be the first.
And it is enough to get started just by feeling called. All right, going into the next tip. This is kind of a body confidence tip. Um, and then I will rapid fire some body confidence tips for y'all because I do, I do wanna touch on this cuz especially in the field that I'm in, becoming a registered dietician, being an intuitive eating counselor, I talk about body confidence with clients basically every single day.
It's something that we're constantly evolving and constantly working. [00:15:00] and it goes back to my first point that we'll never fully arrive and then never have to work on it again. It is something where you have a breakthrough, you have an insight, you get more confident in one situation, and then you feel not confident on another day or another time of the month, so that becomes an opportunity for you to develop more confidence in that area and keep growing. You have to recognize that you are more than just a body. When we're talking about body confidence, like you are more than just your body. There's so many areas of your life that you can feel confident in, and there's so many.
Different facets to you. You have gifts, you have talents, you have skills. You have a mission and a purpose on earth. You're here for a reason and you might not know exactly what that reason is yet you might be on the journey to figuring that out. But I guarantee you that you're here for a reason and it's so important for you to zoom out and recognize that [00:16:00] there are so many great things about you as a person that have nothing to do with how you look.
This example really explains it well. I. You all know that I'm currently in my clinical rotations for my dietetic internship, so I'm spending every day in the hospital and registered dieticians in the hospital. They, their main job is to assess for malnutrition. We're going around from patient to patient, depending on what their condition is or what's going on.
Is this person well-nourished? And if they're not, we have a whole criteria for assessing how malnourished someone is, or if they're malnourished and then we have steps that, that we take as registered dietitian. How do we replete this person? How do we give them back nourishment? So I was rounding on this, you know, elderly woman.
I forget why she was in the hospital at the time, but you know, she was severely underweight, severely malnourished. and there were several [00:17:00] things that had happened in her life and with her health that got her to this point. So I was kind of talking with her about that and, and getting her life story. And we just had such a beautiful conversation and, and she asked me, she said, You know, Am am I mal nurse, are you worried about me?
Are you coming into the room? Is there, is there a concern? Cause I've seen so many doctors, but you know, with the registered dietician coming in, you know, is there something that, that you're concerned about with my eating or my weight or whatever? And I was honest with her. I said, I said, Yeah, you know, we're suing for malnutrition.
We wanna set you up in your body up for the best success to, to heal. And to be honest, you've lost a lot of weight in a short amount of. And I wanna make sure that you're, you're nourished properly. And she, she just looked at me and she started to get a little emotional and said, I have spent so many years of my life, the majority of my life, trying to [00:18:00] lose weight, trying to be skinny.
And here I am now 80 something years old, sitting in a hospital bed. I'm finally skinny. I finally can see my clavicles. I finally have small arms, but I'm withering away. And me being malnourished and losing all this weight is probably gonna be the thing that that kills me. So that was really hard for me to hear.
And. I said to her, I was like, We're gonna get you nourished. Don't worry. Like we have a whole, the thing is steps to replete you and give you, you know, nourishment and have you put on some more weight. I was like, Don't worry, this, this is not the end by any means. Um, and, you know, so she ended up being, getting on a good course, but her story gave me a lot of perspective, like, wow, I, I don't wanna get to the end of my life and.
Reflect [00:19:00] back on my life and think, Wow, how much time have I wasted thinking about losing weight and changing my body image? Like for what? Like what is it worth at the end of our and at the end of our life, and is that the purpose of our life? Aren't we made for more? Aren't we meant to do better things and have more of a mission and purpose on earth versus just focusing on losing?
I 100% think that we do. So I think it's important for us to zoom out and remember that we are more than a body and we are made to do so much more than constantly striving to lose weight and make ourselves smaller.
And the next tip that I have is that it is so important. To focus on you cuz I think it's very easy to compare ourselves to friends, Compare how, how we're eating to other people, seeing other people online. It's so important for us to put blinders on and focus just on us [00:20:00] because comparison is the thief of all Cho.
I know that that is a saying that is, Overdone. Um, I just keep thinking of like the Great British break off. I don't know if y'all watch that show. It's like over the baked unapproved. Over the baked . Um, anytime I say overdone, that's exactly where my mind goes, but comparison is the thief of all joy. And I know that this is overdone over baked, but we, it needs to be said again because it's so true.
And I think we need that reminder that every time we compare ourselves to somebody else, It is doing ourselves a disservice. And a lot of the time we're comparing our, starts, our beginnings with somebody else's middle. We're comparing ourselves to somebody that's so far down the road, it's like, that's not a fair comparison.
Or comparing ourselves to a friend, and you might be starting your journey similarly, but having different paths. And that can be very discouraging. [00:21:00] But you have to recognize that everyone is on their unique journey.
You are on your unique journey. And your journey is happening in perfect timing for. It's not happening to you. Your journey is happening for you, and it's happening in perfect timing regardless of what other people are doing. So I think it's important to put the blinders on and really focus, focus on yourself, and that can allow you to build more confidence because you won't have other people.
And this comparison, taking away your joy and taking away your magnetic energy and your vibrancy. It's very deflating when we compare ourselves to other people. And it's also important to note and remember, and you might not have heard this before, but what you focus on, you create more of. So if you're focusing on being jealous of someone, if you're focused on.
Everything that you lack or you're focused on you not [00:22:00] being good enough, that's what you're gonna create more of in your life. That's the energy that you're gonna have and the energy that you're gonna take on, and that's not gonna make you feel good, and that's not gonna allow you to be an energetic match for your goals, because for you to have a higher level of success, for you to be better, we need to cultivate more positive emotions, and that's not gonna allow you to build confidence if you're focused on everything that you lack in all the negativity and everything that you don't have.
In what areas like you have to grow or in what ways you suck. It's like we, we can't focus on that because you're gonna create more of that in your life. So we need to focus on the positives, and this might require you muting other people, unfollowing people, blocking people. Especially if you have a lot of diet accounts or you know, just accounts that trigger you on social media.
Block those accounts, show the algorithm. I don't want to see more of this content. And maybe mute some of your friends. I'll be honest, I have some of my best friends muted on Instagram cuz when I'm in the [00:23:00] middle of my day, I, I just can't, I just can't see them right now. Like, it's just, I go through different seasons where, you know, I mute different people and it has nothing to do with them or my friendship with them.
It's just I need to turn inward and focus on me and, and have the blinders and, and boundaries up and there's nothing wrong. It will allow you to develop yourself as a person by setting those boundaries, putting the blinders on, focusing on yourself, that will allow you to build more confidence. So don't be afraid to do it, and to just kind of rapid fire through a couple body, body confidence things.
We talked about, how you're more than a body and. You have other things going on, but I also understand that when our body is changing, we're gonna have more episodes on body conference cause there's so much that I, that I wanna say about this and dive even deeper. So just know that more of this is coming and if you have questions about body image or things that you want me to answer in the podcast, definitely go to the show notes.
Join our free Facebook community. We've got the Be about being Better community there. Definitely, [00:24:00] um, you know, give your input on the show there. I wanna make this show for you and I want to answer the questions that you're wondering the most. So definitely head to that Facebook group or send me a DM on Instagram.
Abby dot stays here, ABB i e dot SCAs ior on Instagram and gimme your feedback on the show. So when it comes to body cops, we know that we are more than a body, but it's important that, you know, we do have a body and we are going clothes shopping, and part of what we wear can build our confidence and it can crush our confidence.
And when our body's changing, it can. Be very disheartening to go into our closet and look at everything and be like, This stuff doesn't fit me anymore. Or to be holding onto piece. It's like, Oh, once I lose weight, then I'll be able to wear this. We shouldn't be shopping that way regardless. I mean, it's one thing if you already have the item and your body has since changed, okay, we probably need to like, let that go and not be, you know, holding onto that.
But, and there's so many people that, that need those clothes. So it's great to, you know, donate those things. But we shouldn't be shopping [00:25:00] that way number. And when you are shopping or when you're putting on clothes, it's so important that you do the comfort test where you put on an article of clothing without looking in the mirror.
Before you turn around, look in the mirror, you put on the clothes and ask yourself, Is this comfortable? And if the answer is no, you take it off before you even look in. Because it's not comfortable. If you're wearing something that is not comfortable, it's gonna be digging into your side. You're gonna feel uncomfortable.
You're gonna be having a lot of negative self-deprecating thoughts that's going to crush your confidence, that's gonna lower your energy, that's gonna lower your vibe. You're not gonna radiate and feel magnetic, and that's how you wanna feel wearing your clothes because that. Attracts so much good in your life, it allows you to make better connections with people.
It allows you to enjoy your day and be present. You're not gonna be present if you have something that's digging into your side, cuz you're wearing clothes that are [00:26:00] too tiny if it's uncomfortable, and that's gonna decrease your confidence cuz it's inviting so many negative self-deprecating thoughts. So before even looking in the mirror, because a lot of the times we'll turn around and look in the mirror and because something looks good and it passes our style test cuz it looks cute.
We'll wear it anyway even though it's uncomfortable and that will decrease our confidence and really set us up for failure. So it's important that you do the comfort test first. Don't look in the mirror. If the answer is no, take it off without even looking in the mirror, cuz it doesn't matter how it looks, it matters first, how it feels.
It has to pass this test first. So if you put the clothes on and it passes your comfort test, Hey, this, this feels comfortable. All right, I can move in. This feels. Then, and only then do you turn around and look in the mirror. Does it pass your style test? Does it look good? Do you like how it looks on you?
Because something could be really comfortable but not flattering for your [00:27:00] body type and, and that's okay. You know, So it's important that things are passing your comfort test and also your style test.
And I know that this might not be the most realistic piece of advice because people might not have the financial means to go buy new clothes every time, but you could get some really stable pieces. There are some affordable places to. That you can get some good quality clothes still, even at an affordable price and rely on those things that are flattering to your body type.
You don't have to go shopping at the most expensive places to get a quality item that is flattering to you, that passes your comfort and style test. The next thing when it comes to body confidence is that you need to use logic. I can't even tell you how many times I'll get dms from, from people and clients.
They're like, Oh my God, I'm freaking out. Like I, I didn't mean to weigh myself, but I couldn't help it and I weighed myself and the scale jumped up five pounds and I'm freaking out. I'm [00:28:00] failing. I'm not doing enough to be healthy. I was like, that's, that's not necessarily true. And there's a couple questions that I always ask clients to get more data because you can use logic to help you build more body confidence.
Cuz if you see the scale jump up normally, you know the scale. Not a great measure for how we're doing overall with our health and how successful we've been with with different health behaviors. The scale can tell us a lot about our hydration status and the water and salt and sodium that's flut. in our bodies.
The number on the scale can fluctuate by three or five pounds just from water and how hydrated you are. And things can also change based on a variety of factors like this. You know, the scale can spike one day, not because you gained fat back, he didn't [00:29:00] actually gain weight.
But it can jump up for a variety of reasons. Did you eat something saltier yesterday? Did you eat something sugary? Or yesterday? Did you lift weights or have a really intense workout? Did you get one hour less of sleep? That can make the scale change. Have you not gone to the bathroom yet or are you PMSing?
That's a huge one. I always ask clients. What phase of the menstrual cycle are you in? Because we normally have a more bloating, more water retention, which would make the the number on the scale change when we're in LD phase, when we're PMSing, when we're on our period. And that's natural. That's not you like gaining fat, that's you just having variations and fluctuations that are completely natural.
Because of water retention or different lifestyle things, and that is completely okay. So sometimes we need to use logic. It's like, okay, if we see that the number, number one, I don't recommend that [00:30:00] we weigh ourselves, but if you do and you're freaking out about the number, we have to use logic there and be like, Oh, well I'm just PMSing, Or, Oh, I did have something salt to yesterday.
Oh, I did get less sleep. Or I got enough sleep, but it wasn't good quality sleep. All of these things can, can. The composition of our bodies and how we feel and what the number on the scale says. It's not a reliable measure, and It doesn't give us the full scope of our health and, and how we're doing, so I don't think we should rely on it so much.
I think people think it's the pinnacle of all data measurements for our health, and it's just not, . I also want you to consider. Especially if you're someone listening to this right now that is striving to be in a smaller body and all you do, all you wanna do is lose weight. Why is that?
What are you making the weight loss mean? What are you making that say about yourself? What are you hoping will become true if you [00:31:00] did lose the weight and were in a smaller body and what are you waiting for? A lot of people say, Oh, I'll enter the dating scene. I lose 10 pounds or I'll feel confident once I lose the weight or I'm a size X, whatever that is.
And you know, so you wanna think, okay, once I lose the weight then I will blank. What is the blank? And focus on that. How can you cultivate more of that into, into your life? And can you just focus on that regard? Of what the scale says, because we know that being in a smaller body, thinner is not necessarily healthier.
We know that there are people that are in smaller bodies that have some of the same chronic health conditions as people that are in larger bodies. So it is not one size fits all.
It's not thinner is better. I encourage you to think about, okay, what am I hoping for? What am I waiting for [00:32:00] for this? Like once I have this smaller body, or once I lose weight, what are you hoping for? And I encourage you to go after that. Now don't wait and focus on that and focus less on how your body looks, cuz you don't have to wait until you get there.
And honestly, if we're like, Oh, once I lose weight, then I'll feel more confident. Let me ask you, have you lost weight? And did you actually develop that confidence? Were you automatically confident just by losing weight? Absolutely not. Absolutely not. I have been 20 or 25 pounds lighter than where I am now, and it was the sickest that I've ever been.
It was the most malnourished I've ever been, the most insecure that I've been the most unfulfill. My business was actually doing pretty poorly at that time as well. You know, businesses just go in fluctuations. So I think back on that time, it's like, Oh, wow. Like I was really skinny in that photo, but was I happy?[00:33:00]
I wasn't. I wasn't. And a lot of you probably have testimonies and stories like that in your own life where you have lost weight and you still think, Oh, if I lost that weight again, then I would be happier. But you have the data for yourself now. It's like, I, You've done this before. And you know that you weren't happier, you weren't suddenly more successful, you weren't suddenly more confident just because , you weighed less on the scale.
So that can be good data and feedback for yourself to be like, Wow, I don't need to change how my body looks to develop more confidence. And here are some things that confident people don't do, and I'll rapid fire these things as well. I heard these tips. From Shalene Johnson, she's a huge idol of mine. I love her and her podcast.
She, when I first got into podcasts in college, she was the first podcast that I found and started listening to. She is absolutely wonderful and she did a podcast episode back in the day, Things that Confident people don't do, and I [00:34:00] think her tips flow very well into the tips that we're talking about today and can be super helpful.
For you so that you can see, okay, here's areas that out of these four, this is what I'm doing. Well call it your wins. And then, okay, which one's an opportunity for growth for me? Which, which is something that I can work on to tangibly start to build more confidence. What are some things that I can stop doing in order to build confidence?
So the first thing that she says is that you don't wanna take advice from people that don't matter, people that aren't relevant in, in your life. And I have definitely felt. When asking people for business advice, I'm always asking y'all for business advice and what episodes I should talk about in the podcast and what questions you have because y'all are relevant.
y y'all matter to what what I'm doing. But am I gonna take. You know, business advice is an entrepreneur to, from some random guy on the internet who [00:35:00] comments on my ticks that maybe isn't employed or has a nine to five. Like, if somebody's not relevant to me and what I'm trying to do, am I gonna take advice from them?
Probably not. So it's important that you're seeking advice from people that are actually relevant to, to what you're doing, and I've found that this can be especially helpful. For clients that are seeking advice from their parents. I think it's always important to, you know, take advice from your parents, but you know, take it with a grain of salt, especially if they don't really understand your career or what's really going on in your field.
I would, you know, take it with a grain of salt because. Not everything's going to be relevant for you, and if you are relying on someone's opinion, that doesn't really matter. That can decrease your confidence and make you waiver or question if you're doing the best step for you in your career. The next tip that she has is that confident people.
Don't take on [00:36:00] the language of a victim or blame other people for their predicaments. So what she's saying is that confident people take personal responsibility. They take ownership of their mistakes, they take ownership of their behaviors in their life, and they are taking action in their life to better themselves, and they're not blaming other people for the hardships in their lives.
So just something to think about. She also says that confident people don't live in or dwell in the. And this is so important. I actually brought this up to my therapist recently. I said, I was like, Look, I feel like I focus on the past so much. Is this, is this bad? Should I not be focusing on the past at all?
Cuz in my opinion, I can learn so much about myself and my life based on what happened in the past. And I feel like I'm analyzing the past. Cause I don't wanna repeat things that have already happened in. and she said, Abby, I don't think that you're focusing on the past too much because you are looking to your past.
You're not [00:37:00] dwelling in it. You're not living in it. You're not letting that stall you now you're using what happened in the past as feedback so that you can take action in the future. You're not living so much in the past and where you're not taking action now and stalling you, and it's important to take stock of the past so that you can move forward.
It's also important to think about the future and plan for that, but if sometimes, if people are living too much in the future, that can cause a lot of worry and anxiety. Just feelings of anxiousness that then stall you in the. So if you are focusing on the past or the future, so much so that stalling you in the present, according to my therapist, th that is a little unhealthy.
That might be something to work through. I recommend with a therapist , but if you're using the past as feedback, if you're planning for the future in a productive way and still taking [00:38:00] action in your. Then, then that's perfectly fine. So that's what you wanna do as a confident person and use your past, not dwelling in it.
You wanna use your past as positive feedback for yourself so that you can trial and correct, course correct moving forward. And then lastly, Shalene said that confident people don't lose sight of their vision, mission, and purpose. And I completely agree and I feel like that goes, it ties in so nicely to what we've been talking.
In this whole episode, you are more than a body. You are on this earth way more of an important reason than to to lose weight, and we don't need to be striving for a smaller body or a different body to be successful in life. We're here for a greater vision, mission, and purpose. You have so many gifts and talents.
There's so many amazing things about you. You need to recognize more, and there are skills and [00:39:00] talents that you have that you need to foster so that you feel more confident in yourself. You need to be more competent in those skills and talents so that you can build more confidence and make a wider impact.
We need to be about being better in order to have a better life ourselves and feel better, but also make a better, wider impact. And that starts from knowing what your core values are and. Leading with those values, it's very easy for people to make decisions in their lives if they know what they stand for and what they stand against.
And confident people are more decisive because they know what they stand for and it's easier for them to execute and make better decisions. They know where they wanna go, so it's like, okay, if I wanna end up here, what actions am I taking today? That are gonna get me closer to that goal and achieving that thing, and what actions would actually take me away from that.
So when you have core values, when you have a vision, mission, and purpose, when you know that you are made for more, [00:40:00] you are going to choose better and be more decisive today and when you're striving for that, something larger than yourself, just a bigger cause or larger purpose, that gives you a lot of confidence because you're, you just think to yourself, I matter. And what I'm doing matters. And that's true. What you are doing matters, and I hope that that gives you more confide.
So if you liked what you're hearing today, definitely leave, uh, some reviews below. I read all of the reviews. Would love to, would love to see what you're liking about the show. Join the Facebook group that's in the show notes if you have. Questions or advice on the show, things that you wanna see if you like this type of episode, would love to know.
And I hope that you gain more confidence. I, I really hope you do, and I hope that you follow me on Instagram to see how Asheville goes living in the woods. Yikes.
[00:41:00] Hey y'all. Thanks again for listening to the Be about Being Better podcast. I so appreciate you. If this episode made you laugh, smile, think about yourself or your life differently, in any way, making your life better, I empower you to share the show with three people who just like you, need to hear this message and have this type of transformation in their lives.
I personally read all the reviews the show and see the Instagram story shares. It honestly gives me so much joy to see that our mission is making people's lives better, and the reviews really do help in increasing our impact. So thank you so much for taking the time to do that. If you need personalized support with anything discussed in today's episode or need help creating a sustainable diet free lifestyle, take my quiz.
It's Linked Flow in the show notes, and that quiz will help you see which one of our coaching programs is right for you. Thank you so much again for listening and hears to being about being better.[00:42:00]
