Why I was afraid to eat food...
Last year I was afraid to eat food.
Everything I ate hurt my stomach.
No food was "safe" to eat.
When I was diagnosed with my GI condition (SIBO) my doctor gave me a list of foods to avoid. That was it. No guidance or warning about how dealing with this condition would impact my mental and emotional health.
Over time, the food restrictions made me miserable, shameful, and isolated...
When I would go out with friends, we’d have to find a place that “fit Abbie’s needs.” Which, over time, can be frustrating for people and embarrassing for the person that has to be accommodated for. After we'd pick a place, I'd call the restaurant and talk to the chef to make sure they could prepare a dish with...
- No gluten
- No dairy
- No soy
- No corn
- No sugar
- No garlic
- No onion
- No high-FODMAPs
Basically a meal as plain as possible that you're still paying NYC prices for.
And what’s worse, I’d still go home with a stomach ache... Always making me regret the evening out, less inclined to make plans again, and less inclined to go on dates. Again, making me feel so isolated and so sad.
One of my treatments was a prescribed, 3-week liquid diet. Because of that I lost 15lbs and had NO BLOATING. The dream, right?! Y’all, it was the most isolating, frustrating, and trying experience I’ve ever been through. This was all while I was going through a breakup and midterm week for grad school. But it also gave me this weird satisfaction because I lost weight and felt really skinny... It was a really challenging dynamic of both hating my situation and also being happy that I was subsequently fulfilling society’s pressure to strive for thinness.
Overall, it was a really unhealthy time. But I’m really grateful to say that all of that is behind me!
Now…
🔅I can eat whatever I want and I’m not afraid. BRING ON THE GLUTEN!
🔅I can be social and present with people because I don’t have to stress about what I'm eating.
🔅I pick the dish that sounds delicious rather than searching for something I can eat.
🔅I’ve found peace with my body and love the skin I’m in.
I learned that the stress I felt about how certain foods would impact my stomach was actually contributing to my symptoms. It's not always the food itself, but the state you're in when you're eating that can lead to adverse GI symptoms.
I’ve really struggled with my relationship to food and body image. Luckily, there’s a whole host of things that helped me. I sought professional help, strengthened my social support, and relied on other mentors and coaches. All in all, I experienced a lot of personal growth.
Sharing this isn't easy, but I’m talking about it to show IT'S POSSIBLE with the right support in place to get out of this cycle too.
This level of peace, acceptance AND freedom is a gift I now experience, and I’m so grateful to support people on this journey every single day! Thanks for reading, y'all.
