Episode 23 Transcript
[00:00:00] Welcome to The Be About Being Better podcast, where we help people make evidence based sustainable. Small changes for their health that compounded the huge shifts towards a better, more vibrant life. I'm your host Abbie Stasior, a health and life coach, future registered dietician, a master's graduate from Columbia University, and a certified intuitive eating counselor.
And I believe that we can't make lasting or meaningful change single handedly. So I'm so happy that you're here so that together you can see that a diet free, sustainable lifestyle is possible, and you can leverage that to live a better life. And remember my disclaimer, This podcast is meant to give you general information.
And it's not meant to substitute or replace medical advice, a diagnosis or serve as treatment. Hello. Hello y'all. Welcome back to the Be About Being Better podcast y'all. I have a surprise for you today. I'm so excited. Today we are going to have our first official guest, my first official interview on the Be About Being Better podcast. I'm so pumped. And today you were going to hear from my dear friend Jordan Gomez.
Jay go. She's absolutely incredible. She's a body positive health and lifestyle. , she coaches a lot on confidence and she helps women create healthy habits and helps 'em feel more comfortable and confident in their own skin, and she got her degree in exercise science from UNC Chapel Hill Slay, and she believes in self-love, body positivity.
She believes if you have those things and you foster those things, that is the ideal way to create long-term lifestyle changes. So she's all about sustainability. That's what we're all about here for being about being better. I am just excited for you to hear from her. Today we're gonna be talking about how to get vulnerable with yourself, how to get out of your head into your body so that you can feel comfortable and confident in your own skin, and maybe just maybe feel confident naked.
Let's do it. Let's do it. Let's dive in. I'm excited for y'all to hear this episode and check out the show notes for all the info on J Go. And we got some other things that we're promoting in the show notes, so definitely, definitely hit up the show notes and I'll see y'all on the..
Okay. Amazing y'all. I am so excited for today's episode. We have the one, the only Jordan Gomez. I call her Jay Go. Y'all, I'm so excited to have this wonderful human being with us today. And you just heard in the intro how amazing she is and I'm so excited to dive into this interview because, um, she's dear friend of mine and we are able to talk about business stuff.
We actually met in a master. But we're also able to connect on like real life stuff and body confidence and feeling good naked and body dysmorphia and just not feeling confident and insecurity and comparison and just so many real life things that we're going through. And I wanted to bring her on as our first official guest for be about being better because she just gets it.
She. She just gets it and she's gonna tell it to you straight. She's gonna tell it to you like your best friend, and we need to hear it. We need to hear what she is going to give us today. So Diego, welcome to the Bee about being
better podcast. Oh my gosh, you've right of sunshine. I'm so happy to be here and so honored to be the first guest.
Like what? Uh, thank you for having me, Abby. Yes,
of course. I'm so, so excited because I know people really need to hear about you, hear what you have to say, and get confidently uncomfortable, which is Jacob's podcast. We'll be promoting at the end, but definitely go follow her on social media. Go find her podcast because especially if you like everything.
That you hear today because she is. She is amazing. So just kick us off Jago so that we can get to know you better and just dive right in and get vulnerable right from the get-go. What is one experience that you went through in your life that made
you better? Mm. Definitely hard to pick. Just one. Also big fan of jumping right into a deep dive question because I'm not a huge fan of small talk, so let's not talk about the weather
Okay. Things that have made me better, you would think it would be like some huge accomplishment, but it's actually like some of my lowest lows, so ones that come to mind. So when I made the decision to step away as a personal trainer, basically in order to have some more time freedom as well as freedom within my, my schedule and had to quit my job and walk away and not really know what was on the other side of that, um, which ended up leading into the coaching that I do now.
And the other thing that I think was a big one would be actually launching my podcast, which I'm so happy you launched your podcast. But launching confidently uncomfortable and doing something that maybe other people told me was kind of a waste of time. the idea of like, who's gonna listen to you or there's a million podcasts out there, or that that market is too saturated.
I heard that with every single step along my journey, um, career-wise as well as just personally that like what I was doing was not the best thing. And then I guess the biggest thing if to get sappy would be, you know, marrying my husband, uh, that we met in high school and getting married. And that's just like, absolutely been the best part of my life for sure.
So how to, how to drop a little. Thing for Tom. Tom there. . Oh, we love
Tom. We love Tom the most like supportive partner of all time. And um, I know I asked for one thing, you gave us three. That is just gonna be the theme of this episode that Jay's just gonna keep giving us more than what we need. . I love it.
I'm obsessed. So you talked about being a trainer. And you've moved into less personal training, more into helping women specifically find confidence in themselves. I would love for you to speak to. Like your deep training days, and I assume at that point you were tracking macros. Mm-hmm. , maybe counting calories.
I don't know if you were helping people with weight loss, but now you're like, I just want people to feel good in their own skin. Could you talk about that shift from focusing on that and the training and the physique to where you are now?
Absolutely. So, um, I can hit on my personal journey, but just as far as what I was doing, I was, you know, helping people in the gym.
And so you're in that gym environment and when everyone else is doing that and they're like, you know, they're going to the gym to lose weight, that's almost why every single, especially women were going to the gym was to lose weight. And you're trying to get smaller and you're doing this by restrictive dieting.
And at that, You would just hear general statements that like trainers would say, no, I did have a degree, but I would hear, you know, other trainers just saying like, you know, don't eat rice or eat brown rice, or blah, blah. Just all these like random things that maybe they heard in the world. And so I started to realize as I was working with people that they didn't need.
More restriction. They needed more understanding and connection to themselves. And so as I was training, I started to just make people feel better. We focused on, instead of getting smaller, was getting stronger, even if they wanted to lose weight, I was like, let's let that be a byproduct if it is. But I, I was really focused on shifting that mindset because when I did that personally and broke up with being stuck in the cardio corner and really starting to focus on getting stronger.
It was such a more empowering experience of going into the gym. I was going in to get stronger and feel empowered opposed to going in to get smaller, which is what I had done for decades before that point. So just having that experience of supporting. Clients and helping them break away with the idea of they have to lose weight was a huge thing for me. But then I also realized how tied in our mindset is to changing our lives, whether it be from the, I wanted to do it from the inside out, and I realized that seeing them maybe one to two hours a week just wasn't gonna cut it, and I wanted to make a deeper impact.
So I shifted into doing more of the mindset coaching and helping them feel confident in their skin because, . I had gotten to a point where I had been smaller, you know, I had done the cardio and I still wasn't confident, and so that's when I realized like, Hey, it's not about necessarily getting smaller in order to feel confident.
So I had to realize that, and then I wanted to teach others that too, because it's such an empty feeling to even reach your weight loss goal and then realize, wait, this was not the answer. And so I realized that quickly and I wanted to help other people. Realize that too before they got to the point of feeling as low as I did when I was trying to lose weight and going on crazy, crazy dieting.
So that's really where I went from there, and it's been my mission ever since.
Ugh, I love that. So powerful. And we know from personal experience, we also know from coaching so many people over the last several years that when we focus on weight loss, we always think, oh, once I lose the weight, then. , all of these things will happen in my life.
Then I'll be confident, then I will be successful. Then I'll be able to put myself out there with dating so many of these things, and we just know that that. Is an empty promise, so we have to focus on other things other than weight loss. So I'm so happy that you're helping other people do that too, and that you have gone through that, that journey yourself.
Now, I'm curious what other, I mean, I listed some things, but I'd be curious to hear in your experience with the market research you've done, the clients that you've worked with, when people say they want to lose weight, what do they really want? What do they really mean? ,
I would say almost like 80% of the people that come in there with that, they don't know why.
Like if I were to, if they come in here and they're like, I want to lose weight, and I say, why? You know, some people might give me like, you know, family history or their doctors told them to lose weight or whatever. But even beyond that, even beyond that, asking yourself why, okay, what is the real reason behind this?
Because what I realized was most of the time is that people wanted to, wanted to love themselves. They wanted to love their body. For many of us, we were taught that our self-worth was in our size, and so we thought if we could change that, then we will be accepted. We will be loved, we'll love ourselves, and basically I'm, I'm working on helping people break up with that thought pattern of thinking that your self worth is tied to your size, and then also the thought pattern of like, you have to wait to start living your life until you reach X goal, whether it's physically, financially, anything. And I had been, you know, I had done that for many years too, where it was like I was not living the in-between, I was always thinking of.
Thing whether it was like, okay, when are you gonna get married? When are you gonna get a house? When are you gonna reach this weight loss goal? Then you can finally be happy. And it's like you almost weren't, I wasn't giving myself permission to be happy until I reached that goal. And so my mission is to start bringing small pockets of joy into the day to day.
And the more I did that, and I tied that into movement, I no longer have this feeling of like, oh, I have to go to the gym. It's like, okay, how am I gonna move my body today? And I help my clients do the same. Because you don't have to punish yourself in the gym. You can find ways. Fun and get creative and unique with it.
I mean, I have a trampoline outside of my room because I don't wanna run right now and it's great. Mm-hmm. , so doing that is something that I think it's important people to understand for sure.
Yeah, absolutely. And I love when you said, don't wait to live your life. You can start living that life now.
Oh, that's so good.
And one thing that you talk a lot on your page, and I know that you've run challenges around this, but the concept of feeling good naked, and I think that's really at the heart of it, that's what people, they wanna feel confident, like you said, in comfortable and confident in their own skin. And I think that comes out.
Ep 23 vid: during intimacy or with intimacy people.
ep 23 abbie: People won’t approach that they won't initiate, they won't do any of those things because they don't feel confident in their own skin. Yeah. And you know, it doesn't even necessarily have to have to be intimacy with the partner, but just in like the shower with ourselves, we don't feel confident. We avoid the mirror. We don't wanna look at, we wear baggy clothes to cover up.
So, , what are some suggestions that you have to help us feel good, naked and more
confident? Um, I, so I teach on feeling good naked and it goes beyond just our bodies. It's being able to feel good being your most vulnerable self. Cuz when you're naked, you're super vulnerable, right? And so, um, . I don't know about you guys, but for a long time I was hiding who I was because I was afraid if people really saw me, they wouldn't accept me.
I would be rejected, I wouldn't be loved. And so I had to start to um, learn to love myself first. And I do did that through. You know, feeling good naked, and so ways that I was tapping into that. Essentially I wanted to reconnect with my body, and that's what I hope my clients do is reconnect with themselves.
Because at some point, after doing, whether it's like diets or people telling you things about yourselves that weren't true, like you're too ugly, too smart, too, too mean, whatever, things that were not helpful for you. Mm-hmm.
Ep 23 vid: You know, you started to believe them at some point and you started to lose trust with yourself and with your body.
And so to embrace your body where you're at now and regain that trust and feel good naked is what's really gonna help you continue to feel your best and continue to feel most connected to yourself and more, most connected to others. So ways to feel good naked as far as things that I help my clients do, definitely connect with yourself more.
And what do I mean by that? Think about what makes you feel the most like yourself and doing more of that. So if you're not sure, like some people are very wrapped up with their identity as their career or as a mom or whatever, um, think about when you were a kid, what was the thing that you loved to do and just made you feel so free and so alive and do more of that.
You know, what are other things that just make you feel like you and start to tap into more of that in a small way every day. It doesn't have to be a full 180. Um, the second thing would be, Breaking up with negative thought pattern. Now this takes years and continued practice, but it works. So I help my clients do this with, um, understanding ants.
So automatic negative thoughts, so when they come up or inner mean girl thoughts as I call them, um, when they come up. instead of, you know, letting it sink in and often spiral into more mean thoughts, calling it out in some way and kind of shaking it up so that the pattern is normally to cycle into just being really negative towards yourself and feeling bad.
Stop yourself in your track. So I talk about just saying like, skirt, like really loud. I'm trying not to yell in y'all's ear , but yelling it, yelling it really loud and basically stopping it. Like, don't even finish this sentence. Don't even put a period on the end of that sentence. Most likely it's not true.
Anyways, we're just telling ourselves it is. And so if you can stop the thought from spiraling, that can be really huge too. Um, that's just gonna help you break the tie between self-worth and physical attributes and start to understand that like, you are so much more than your body, but you shouldn't completely negate your body too.
Sometimes on people's self-love journey, they choose to just completely ignore their body. They're like, you know, I don't feel connected to my body, and I don. Find self-worth in it. So I'm just gonna focus on everything else and mm-hmm. , I've gotten to that point in healing journey and I realize I was feeling so disconnected from myself because of that.
I was only stuck in my head all the time when we need to get back into our bodies and start loving ourselves where we're at. So, um, Focusing on what you love about yourself will be the next, the third thing, because that's helping you tap into that self-love again. So if you can write down, you know, one thing you love about yourselves and then turn it into an affirmation and say, I am kind, I'm a good friend.
It doesn't have to be a physical attribute, but I would love for one of them to be a physical attribute. And if you're struggling to make a list of things you love about yourself, it's okay. Everyone has those days. Um, You know, take out your phone and text your partner, text your best friend and say like, what are three things you love about me?
And it might sound weird, like I, I don't know about you Abby, but like, I'm words of affirmation all the way. So , I am constantly, you know, seeking that from mother and there's nothing wrong with that, but, Ultimately you have to get it within yourself. But on the days where you're feeling a little bit lower, it doesn't hurt to reach out and be like, Hey, like I'm really struggling here.
Like, what are three things you love about me? Like you, you can just ask that and most likely, like you're gonna wanna return the favor, and it just feels really good to reciprocate and receive that love. So start from there and then use that. in order to connect with yourself and recognize how amazing you are, cuz you are, even if you focus on the negative, I want you to start to shift and focus more on the things that just make you you, which is great.
Yes. Um, and then finally. So the last one. The last one. As far as feeling good, naked, obviously we have to go naked. Okay. What does that mean when it comes to naked? We got to literally up church this morning. I'm like,
Ep 23 vid: I feel like, like my turtleneck we're covering up. I got my cross necklace, Abby, straight up.You covered up. As soon as I said go naked. You were like, woo. Okay. I need to work through some of these things. Thank you. We'll talk about that. We'll work on it together. So I, well, I was, I was the one dodging the mirror. Like I used to do this thing where I would wake up and look at myself in the mirror and pick out flaws.
And then when I went on this self-healing journey, in the beginning, I would just avoid mirrors altogether. And I've come back to it and started to. Truly face myself in the mirror, and that has been really, really powerful. So, you know, it doesn't mean that you have to go out like I y'all. I'm like not wearing a bra, I'm in a crop top.
That's just kind of how I live my life. But that doesn't mean you have to do my confidence the way you do your confidence. It really is about figuring what your go naked version is. So what is vulnerability to you? And ideas could be like, You know, dancing in front of the mirror naked. Does that scare you A little bit if you have kids, cuz I've got a lot of clients that are moms.
Um, lock your bathroom doors just for like a couple minutes and like do it like right after the shower. . Um, the other thing that really helps, what are you doing, ? No, right. Hey, you could be doing worse with the locked bedroom so it's okay.
Ep 23 vid: So true. Um, the other thing I love to do is naked affirmations. So if you have a list of affirmations and start with ones that you feel really connected with and then, you know, starting to read them, you can do that while you're putting on lotion or something from your normal self-care.
I know you talked about self-care and routine a lot, Abby, so adding, tacking that on or, you know, um, tacking that on to something you're already doing. Another one that I actually just had someone share about doing that I've talked about before and guest coaching is naked yoga. So you don't have to go to yoga and be naked.
Please don't get kicked out. But in your own home, you know, doing to roll up to core power yoga.
Yeah, if y'all get me in trouble, please do not. But like in your own home, you know, setting up something, doing some yoga, doing some stretching, because again, many of us have the thought pattern where as soon as we're moving our body, we're critiquing it and thinking, oh, why does that move?
Or Why am I not moving the way that I see this person in the video or the person in front of me in class? And so if you can start to reconnect with your body and every single time you see it. Thank it. Every single time you see it, oh my gosh, I'm reaching for my toes. I'm so thankful that I'm able to have this flexibility.
I'm so thankful I have this strength in my core right now, and it's such a weird shift. It's gonna feel weird at first, but that's the point we gotta break out of our current thought patterns about ourselves and with our body. And if you can do that, that'd be amazing. If Naked Yoga is literally freaking you out right now, like , don't feel like you have to do that.
Start with something that feels vulnerable to you. So maybe you've never worked out in a sports bra, put on a sports bra and and do some yoga or walk around your house and every single time you see the mirror, like you can even have a sticky note with some affirmations and read those to yourself. We just have to keep reminding ourselves of.
Of how amazing we are now and not when you think you fit a specific body type, that's acceptable. No, you absolutely can embrace where you're at now. You can feel confident. You can feel confident, naked, and that's really what I want people to understand.
Oh, this is so good. It's good because it's so tangible.
I know y'all are listening to this right now and you're like, yes, I need the mindset shifts, but I also, what do I do? What actions do I take? Okay, well we just gave you four different steps for it. Different act, rewind if you need to hear those again. Um, I love what you said too, cause I know it's uncomfortable to talk about this with.
Our friends. So I like your suggestion of reaching out to a friend. Hey, what are three things that you like about me that you, that you see in me? Because we feel that way about our friends. We see so much good, so much beauty in them. Mm-hmm. . And we get frustrated that they don't see that in ourselves.
Well, it's the same with us. So if you could reciprocate. That can really lead to a lot of breakthroughs. And I think it's so easy for us, like I think we intuitively know how to love other people, how to be in relationships, how to show love, how, you know, spend quality time and to appreciate them and maybe get them gifts or speak their love languages, all of those things.
But whenever we put the word self in front of love, it's like tabula. Oh, we don't really know what that means, but it's how we love other people. and we're so good at that, we just need to direct that towards ourselves. So if you don't know what action steps to take, think about, okay, if I was dating myself, if I was in a relationship with myself, if I was trying to fall in love or with somebody else, what would I do?
And then can I do that with myself? Could I take myself out on a date? Could I take myself to a yoga class? Could I do yoga at home?
Could I be naked?
Ep 23 vid: I love that. I think that's so important, whether you're dating or not. I, Abby knows this, y'all might not. I married my high school sweetheart, so literally we were 15 and when we met.
And you know, we are now a little more double that age. So we've been together as long as we've been apart, which is crazy. And the thing that I realized was I. was struggling so hard in the beginning to receive his love, and it wasn't because he was necessarily doing the wrong thing or saying the wrong things.
It was that I had such a wall up around me because I didn't believe the things that he said because I didn't believe them within myself. So I had to. Find that love within myself first. And so, so many people think, oh, when I have someone, you know, when I'm, when I'm have a partner or when I find someone or with dating, you're like, if I'm dating someone, then I feel really confident and you really need to find that within yourself or it's not going to last.
And that's something I had to learn while in a relationship, which can be a little bit weird, but it's definitely a powerful Yeah. Realization. So you think, uh, that
it is possible Yes. To do, because a lot of people think, oh, I need to break up with this person, do the inner work, and then. To find somebody else that may be better, but you believe that you can do this work in,
I think. One thing I have really learned is that we have the capacity to do both in anything. You have the capacity to hold joy and sadness, and you have the capacity to heal while helping others. Like you don't have to completely close yourself off from other people in order to heal yourself. Now, can it be a powerful space to, you know, say no to more things socially, you know, have some more time for yourself?
Absolutely. But social self-care is just as much as component. Care as other things. That doesn't mean you need to stay in a relationship. I think it's really important to check yourself and I have my clients like audit their LI lives. So if you can audit kind of like this relationship and think how do I feel when I'm around this person?
If this person is legitimately making you feel small and not feel good and not feel lifted up, and. They're also not working on themselves. You know, it's really important for for you to have that independence within yourself, whether you're with someone or not, because codependence can become toxic, even if it seems like it's a loving relationship from the outside.
It can still be toxic if you don't have that connection with yourself. So do I think it's possible for everyone? Not necessarily. Did it work for us? Yes. However we were in. Relationship for a while. So that did help. So still carve out the space for yourself, help and remind yourself like maybe you do need some space and, you know, take the first step, take some time away, and then come back into relationships.
But there's nothing wrong with setting boundaries with, you know, having.
Ep 23 vid: Maybe taking a break from someone maybe completely cutting ties with someone. There's nothing wrong with that because ultimately you have to put yourself first. If you've been taught anything, you have to put yourself first, cuz you're not gonna be able to pour into other people in the same way.
I know we've talked about this before, but it's so important to understand that.
Ep 23 vid: Yeah, absolutely. And I'm sure since you've been with Tom for so long as y'all have gotten older, since we don't, I think some people wish, oh, I wish I was in my high school body again. It's like, do we really? Do we really? So y'all have changed so much since high school.
Has that thought ever come up to you like, I don't look like I did in high school. Will he still be attracted to me? Or is he just falling more in love with me? With where I am now? He's changed. Am I still attracted to him? As we get older, obviously physicality changes. Mm-hmm. , I know y'all don't have kids yet.
Hopefully. Hopefully
about this inside joke, but So has that thought ever so has that thought come up or is that something that you've had to work through? It is. Absolutely something that comes up with anything. I mean, it is really easy as you get older, as your relationships change for you to start to come back into that. And that's the other thing I think is important, and we can talk on this too with me and you, and when it comes to confidence, like, yes, I'm a confidence coach, but as you continue to grow and level up, you're going to meet new obstacles.
You can take the tools that you learned in the previous space. Like when I, you know, I don't have the issues with my body. I had really bad body dysmorphia when I was in the gym, when I was on restrictive dieting, when I was trying to get smaller, when I was in cross country in high school, I mean, I was tiny.
Looking back, I was smaller then. But because I was comparing myself, because I was still feeling less than, you know, I didn't feel enough. So it's really. . It's not about the size. It's not about how many wrinkles you have or whatever. It's about still feeling connected to yourself cuz that confidence shows up in the bedroom.
You know, if you're not feeling it, especially us as women, if we're not feeling it, we're not gonna be able to connect. With other people, especially intimacy wise, because we're questioning, we're in our own head where, you know, maybe your partner touches your stomach and it immediately makes you spiral into like, oh my gosh, they can't love me because my stomach isn't perfectly flat, or blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And so you have to work on that first, or it doesn't matter how old you are, what size you are, any of those things. So it's all trivial. And then once you start to realize, and. Self unconditional love. You recognize that you are worthy of unconditional love from others. Not only are you worthy of it, we deserve it.
And so when you realize that within yourself, you believe it from others, and that is what's gonna keep that relationship strong, no matter what. No matter like when you're wrinkly and old and and gray and I'm can't wait for those days. You know? We're all blessed to get to that point. Yeah,
absolutely. Oh, such a beautiful answer.
I love this now.
Ep 23 vid: Um, I recently got out of a relationship and I am in a new apartment and I haven't quite, I haven't dove into my whole story yet cuz we're, we're still processing. Uh, but you know, in the podcast, know that I am single now and it's okay. We're thriving, we're in our healing era. Um, but I just moved into a new apartment and this past weekend I was going through reorganizing all of my, uh, you know, my closet, all of my, and I was like, wow, I have, I really need to go through item by item and see what am I wearing, what am I not wearing, what still fits, what doesn't? And there were so many items that
Ep 23 vid: I was like, . I love this article of clothing and it fit me once, but it doesn't fit me now. And old me that was still in the thick of diet culture would've said, I'm gonna keep this.
I'm gonna lose weight too. Fit in this again. Or I'll keep it so that if there's ever like I had this one kind of lime green top with big puffy sleeves. It was so cute. So me, But I'm like, I can only wear that if I'm going to like a bougie drink place. And if on that same day that I'm like maybe going to this obscure place, I don't feel bloated that day.
And I feel like I'm having more of a, like, quote unquote skinny day. Mm-hmm. and I, I just don't feel inflamed. So. Like I was saving this article of clothing for this one potential, maybe scenario where I did feel good and I'm like, I need to let this go. Mm-hmm. . And so, but it was really hard to give up those clothes.
Cause I was looking at like, wow, how much money have I spent on all of these clothes? It was really hard to give up and it was very difficult to be trying on clothes that I love, that I spent so much of my hard earned money on that just didn't fit anymore. Mm. and I didn't want to be. Thinking to myself, oh, now I need to restrict my diet.
Oh, now I need to work out more to try and fit into this. So what suggestions do you have for, you know, that situation, that person, or any words of encouragement? Um, this kinda stuff for me, but also for the listeners. . No, this is good. Um, yeah. What do you do when like, these clothes just don't fit anymore?
Yeah. So I do get this a lot and I'm excited to talk about this. Um, I think it's important. So, Clothing. I mean, you've heard this, but it's like we are not meant to fit clothes, clothes are meant to fit us. And that's something we need to remind ourselves. If you guys are someone that struggle in a dressing room, when you're like looking at a size and it no longer is the right size, sizes are BS anyways. But you know, allow yourself like, okay, this doesn't fit me. I'm just gonna go up. Like, I literally do not care about the , clothing size anymore because I know like what's gonna look and feel my best. And so the thing about the clothing that like we're holding onto, You know, we say it's cuz we are, it's money, right?
But like we will straight up. $200 at Target, we will straight up like so if you, if you found a dress, yeah, if you found a dress online or something that you loved, you would buy it. You would pay for it. So it's not actually the money, like it hurts a little bit, but like there's creative ways to deal with that.
You can talk to my stylist, Erica Taylor. She's all about like reselling stuff and all that fun stuff. Not me. I'm more of a donate and bless and release. But recognizing that, like, what is it really this, this feeling like maybe you're holding onto emotion. Like maybe there was just a time in your life where you were like, I did feel really good in that, and that felt awesome.
Okay, well then let's create a new moment, a new experience with maybe a new outfit. And I think that's really important too. Mm-hmm. The other thing is whenever someone's holding onto a a smaller size, we think, oh man, like I wish I looked like I did back then.
Think back to like that moment, like, maybe we did feel confident, but maybe we didn't. Maybe we were still struggling with our confidence. And so it's not necessarily the case. So the other thing is, even if we were to change sizes, Abby, you mentioned like with you, like it was a smaller size, so even if we did get, get back to the same size, we're not the same Abby we were back then, right?
Mm-hmm. , and so that's another reminder is like even if we do get back to that size, we put on that, that. Green shirt that you love and it's just like, wait, this no longer feels like me anymore because we're not who we were back then. I recognize that with a lot of my clothes and I was like, I was holding onto it just for no reason because I'm like, I remember wearing this all the time, but have you worn it in the last three months and will you wear it in the next three months?
And if that's not the case, then I say, get rid of it and you will find something better. It's something I go with every aspect of my life is like, release and create space. For more goodness to come. I know it's more than just clothes. That's probably a weird metaphor to use, but it's true. Like you can allow space for something amazing, some exciting new, you know, piece that makes you feel so confident as you step into this next level.
Cuz we're all leveling up right now. I know you are. Yeah. Even going through a, a place that's really hard when you're. Kind of starting into this apartment, but you are not starting over because you're not, you're not who you were six months ago, two years ago, three years ago, you know? And so it's the same with our clothes.
We not, we were not who we were then. And so, um, I know Marie Condo talks about like the desert spark joy. I really think that that goes there. And I feel like. In that moment, it's not sparking joy. I would get rid of it unless it's like a wedding dress or something like that. I would definitely get rid of it.
The other thing I say, cuz I you, I know you also have moms sometimes. Um, my pregnant mom is sometimes aren't really sure. I'm fine with you keeping it, but I really recommend that you put it away in bins and then put it somewhere else because the thing about your closet is, and Erica Taylor, my. Friend, client and stylist, she talks about this, but like when you step into your closet, we want you to feel confident, you know, in your clothes and your size.
And so if you're constantly having to like, sift through your clothes in your closet past the old, you, past smaller sizes saying, I have nothing to wear, and you're seeing all the things that you can't wear right now, think about how that makes you feel. It doesn't feel good. , right? And so if you can instead get some of those like space saver bags that you vacuum up and like put your old clothes in there and then see how it feels to release them for a little bit.
And then if you're ready, get rid of 'em. I've done that with multiple moves and I'm like, I haven't opened this bag the entire year I was in this apartment. And we, we would get rid of it regardless of the size. I no longer feel connected to the clothes anymore. Or you find something and it does feel good, but you're not holding yourself to this crazy standard of, oh, I'll get back to that size.
No, if it happens, cool. But by, by. Constantly having to go buy it, that helps you release that. I hope that answered your question. Yeah,
it really, really did. And I had a session with Erica too, cuz there was also a section of my clothes that was like, I like these clothes and they do fit, but I don't know how to style.
Like I'm not wearing them, not because I don't fit or I wanna hit a certain size or whatever. Or I'm waiting until I feel less bloated. It's like I just don't know how to style them. Mm-hmm. , so this is kind of a plug for Erica too. Y'all hire Erica. You love her. She's so great. Girl. She was so great. I mean, she took my, which I'm actually gonna be able to get rid of more things than I thought cuz I was like, this just is a really work.
One of my goals for this year is to develop more of a capsule wardrobe, just not fitting with what I wanna work into. And you also mentioned. That you feel really confident, like no bra crop top, you know, spaghetti sharps, literally what you're wearing now. And I'm like, I feel my most confident when I am wearing like a tight turtleneck.
Like that's yes form fitting, but there's just something I've always felt embarrassed about wanting to dress. More modestly, but dressing like that and more preppy just makes me feel like me. Exactly. So yeah, like wearing crop tops. I mean, there was a time where I was like, oh, I feel like I shouldn't be wearing this because my arms are too big.
But it became less of the more that work that I've done on myself, it's less about that and just more that I just feel more myself. Yep. Wearing these other types of clothes. So yes, just super interesting, like my favorite bathing suit. Which they're still skin exposed. It's, it's a bathing suit, but it has these white, puffy sleeves.
I don't know what it is about me and puffy. I'm obsessed. I'm like, I just love it. Um, so yeah. So we have to feel comfortable. Yeah. With. Stepping into our own style. And that's something that Erica has really done is helped me develop what is my personal style. Mm-hmm. And what, how can I make multiple outfits with Yep.
The clothes that I have and I don't need to get more.
Yes. That's, that's huge. So that's something I love that she does. So quick plug with her. Yes. She just created a lookbook for me. So like, basically I'm packing, I'm leaving for Austin, literally today. Abby, you are, we're so, I'm not planned. I'm not packed and we're doing a podcast right now, but on my couch.
If you were to look over. See, all of my outfits are already picked and ready to go. I've never done that in my entire life. I usually stuff a suitcase, but because she created a lookbook for me, I know what feels good for me and she's set out like what things go together. And almost everything was in my closet already, and I think that's really cool.
It also allowed me to release some stuff cuz I'm like, yeah, I bought this. I thought it was cool but I literally haven't worn it. Or the tags are still on it, blah, blah, blah. Like, why are we holding onto this? And the other thing I wanted to say, I love, love, love that you hit on this. Um, cuz we do have very different style and I love that about us cuz we're, we're so different yet.
So connected at the same time. Yes. And when people think of confidence, you know, sometimes they think that confidence has to look one way. Like you have to be, you know, dressed to nines in high heels, blah, blah, blah. Y'all, I showed up to this podcast not wearing ma makeup, like just coming straight outta the shower and I love it.
And you can still be confident, you know, in your sweat. Like there's, you can be confident without necessarily having to do those things. However, asking yourself, like Abby said, like what makes you feel your best? And it's gonna look different for everyone, you know, and that's okay. And so don't feel like you have to, like I talked about going naked, that's more for yourself.
Don't feel like you have to leave the house in nothing but underwear. And in order to feel confident, right? Like everyone is different. And that's the beautiful thing about confidence. So it's about finding your confidence and stepping into it that way. And actually my producer. Alex actually we, she was on a podcast episode with me and we talked about like modesty in in Fe and women.
It was really cool because she, she's more like you as far as like, she's like the classy elegance when it comes to those kind of outfits that make her feel her best. And then on on the other end, and we talk about kind of the difference of it. And it was just a really interesting take and I think it's something that is important to understand when you're figuring out confidence.
It doesn't have to look like anyone else's cuz you're unique and your confidence should be too.
Yes.
Such an important reminder. Oh, well, to kind of wrap up here, I wanna reiterate what you said. One of your steps was to get out of our head and into our body to connect with ourselves. And one thing that we talk about on the podcast a lot is to get away from a lot is to get
Calling exercise. Exercise and thinking that, oh, this workout only counts if it's formal exercise or if I'm going to a class, or if I'm sweating, or if I'm at the gym for an hour plus. , any movement counts. And so I think if we take that concept and apply it to, I'm going to move my body in a way that feels good for, not for the purpose of making my body smaller or changing my body, but for the purpose of getting out of my head so I can reconnect with my body, reconnect with myself.
Because my ultimate goal is to feel comfortable and comfort with my own skin. That is so powerful, and I think that's a better intention for moving our body, for exercising than. Appreciate you saying that.
Yeah, no, I think that's huge. And um, just playing around with it and literally bringing play back into movement instead of it being a workout.
And so having fun with it. I had to take a break from the gym when I left it because I was just so burned out from that gym mindset, that hustle culture, and, you know, I have like that trampoline I talked about, so I jump on my trampoline. Um, Tom and I, you inspired me. I just got one too. It's amazing girl.
I'll talk to you all about it, but it's literally amazing. And then the other thing is, um, , I'm really into thrift shopping, so my, um, my husband and I found, Roller blades. So we roller blade, and that's another thing that's really different. So, you know, just doing things that feel good for us. And it doesn't mean that that going to the gym or working out hard is bad, but it's when we're associating it with, with punishment, with thinking, oh, I have to do this.
Like, think about what is actually gonna make me feel good, even if it is a little bit challenging, but I still wanna do it. And so tapping into that with your movement and reconnecting with your body is what's gonna make you feel so much better than if you just are constantly punishing yourself in a gym.
Yes. And like you said, connect with your inner child. How can you have more fun? How can you play? How can you romanticize your life? Even even our mundane tasks, like I have romanticized making my morning coffee. I won't even make it. I put a pod in press play. Like it's
not look cute. I loved your video on that.
It was very cute. Very cute. Like I just, it has totally romanticized my morning and I am obsessed with it. So it's like, how can you have, it’s like, how can they talk about this, um, a lot with, I've been reconnecting with my faith a lot in the last year. Mm-hmm. , and they talk about how God wants us to have this childlike wonder.
And so it's gotten me thinking, okay, what does a child do? How do they think? And children are very curious. They're always asking, why? Well, because I told you so. Well, why? You know, they always ask why. So ask yourself, you know, why be inquisitive, be curious, know, why be inquisitive,
Just have this awe for life. See the beauty around you. Some of us are just jaded and we have this shade over ourselves. We need to lift the veil and recognize how much abundance and beauty is around us and get curious about. It. We gave you tangible . Action steps on this episode, but also some of this is for your self exploration to figure out what's gonna work best for me. What sounds fun for me and what sounds fun for me today? Meet yourself where you are cuz what is fun today? What lifts your spirit today might look different tomorrow or in a different season.
Mm-hmm. . That is so true. I love that. So good. Yay.
Oh, well J go. Thank you so much for being here today. I appreciate you and all of your golden nuggets of wisdom. And everyone go follow J. Go Uh, j go. FitLife on Instagram.
She's got her podcast confidently uncomfortable. We did an episode together. Semi-recently too. So definitely go ahead and listen to that. Um, Diego, where else can we find you? Anything else you wanna plug? Anything you're promoting right now?
Yeah,
hit us, hit us with it. We are doing a full rebrand on confidently and uncomfortable with podcasts, so definitely go subscribe.
We'll have some fun prizes and stuff coming up, so be sure to do that. And I'm also an open book, so if you guys wanted, um, ever DM me if you have questions or if you tag me in, like something that you try, I would love, love, love that. It just makes me so happy to see y'all tapping into that, that confidence.
Yes. I love it.
Thank you so much. And last, last question, what is one thing you are going to do this week to make your days better? We all, we wanna be on here. We wanna be being about being better. So
what's one thing you're gonna do this week? So I am taking my morning routine and making it mobile. So I will be traveling, basically making a mobile routine.
So I'd make a shorter version of what I already do at home, and that is what makes me still feel grounded even when I'm not at home. And so that's something I'll be doing for myself this week in Austin. Oh, a hundred percent. That's what we recommend. Y'all listen to episodes. Seven. All about main character, morning routines, I love it. And you can live like Jgo. I love it. Jgo, thank you so much. I love you. Thank you for being here and thank you. I'll see y'all in the next episode.
Hey y'all. Thanks again for listening to the Be About Being Better podcast. I so appreciate you. If this episode made you laugh, smile, think about yourself or your life differently, in any way, making your life better, I empower you to share the show with three people who just like you, need to hear this message and have this type of transformation in their lives.
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