Episode 40
[00:00:00] Welcome to The Be About Being Better podcast, where we help people make evidence based sustainable. Small changes for their health that compounded the huge shifts towards a better, more vibrant life. I'm your host Abbie Stasior, a health and life coach, future registered dietician, a master's graduate from Columbia University, and a certified intuitive eating counselor.
And I believe that we can't make lasting or meaningful change single handedly. So I'm so happy that you're here so that together you can see that a diet free, sustainable lifestyle is possible, and you can leverage that to live a better life. And remember my disclaimer, This podcast is meant to give you general information.
And it's not meant to substitute or replace medical advice, a diagnosis or serve as treatment. Finals, flus and funerals. Today y'all we're gonna be talking about how to stay healthy when life hits, and these are just a few examples of a couple scenarios where life is going to hit and our initial. Reaction. Our natural tendency is to pull back, is to stop doing things for our health because we don't have time, because we have to deal with what's in front of us.
When in reality, what we need to do during these times is to lean into our health, because our health is still continued. Whether we're focusing on our healthy habits or not, our health is still continuing. So, It's important to still be leaning in for our health, and what you'll see is if you do something for your health, not everything, it's impossible to do everything.
These, because we got big things going on that need to take priority. We still need to do something for our health so that it can support us. In dealing with whatever has to take the main stage priority in that season of our lives. It's like, yes, health has to take a backseat, but it can't be totally off the bus, can't be totally out of the car because our health can actually give us the energy, give us the mental clarity, give us a sense of grounding and a sense of confidence, and a sense of control when we may be in a situation.
That we don't have a lot of control. So that's what I wanna talk about today. And I think I've been in a lot of scenarios over the last couple years where these three scenarios have hit me. Finals being a student flus. In addition to Covid just getting sick at other times and funerals.
In the last couple years, I've had two major deaths in my family and, it's been hard to cope, but I've been so grateful that I've had a foundation for healthy habits. I've known what to employ. In different seasons of my life to help me feel more myself, help me feel more grounded, help me to deal with whatever life throws at me, or now I have a really solid foundation, multiple tools in my toolbox where I can ask myself, what do I need to do right now in order to get me through this difficult time?
So when I went through my breakup back in 2019, that was the guy that I was in New Jersey with, that was my college boyfriend. We were together for five years. Like it was a pretty devastating breakup. Like I literally thought I was gonna marry this guy. And so we broke up and then I moved to New York City cuz I was in my master's program at Columbia at the time.
But I was, I had been commuting from New Jersey, but now that we're broken up, I was like, okay, well I'll just move to New York. So I had to move pretty. Quickly and find an apartment pretty fast. Turns out I ended up renting and signing a lease in a completely roach infested apartment, so moving from New Jersey to Manhattan.
Trying to keep up with business and clients, trying to keep up with school, trying to process this breakup all while going through my gut health issues. And at that point I was on my three week liquid diet, which didn't work. I've talked about then my gut health episode. So definitely listen to that because I was a crazy story and a crazy time and totally messed up my relationship with food.
Um, so not only was I consuming 500 calories a day, but I'm trying to process a breakup of five years and. Trying to move and we know how stressful moving is. Oh my gosh. And just moving to a new city, especially like Manhattan. Like I didn't know anything about the real estate New York obvi. I didn't know anything about the neighborhoods.
I wouldn't have picked my apartment if I knew more because literally it was Roach and fest and I just didn't know what to look for. And it was just a complete mess. And on top of it, I'm in my first semester at Columbia and it's midterm week, and this is my first semester in my master's program. I obviously want to do well and I've always wanted to do well in school.
I mean, who doesn't wanna do well in school and, but I just feel like there was this added pressure because it was my first semester and I really wanted to make, I wanted to have a solid GPA to start off initially. So going through all of this and dealing with midterms. It was really, really difficult and no, I didn't have a flu, but I wasn't feeling great and I was pretty sick with all of my gut health issues.
Like it was just a complete mascal. So what did I do during this time? I asked myself what would be the most grounding thing for me to do in this season. And for me, I didn't have a lot of time. I was moving around a lot. I was very stressed. Um, I didn't have a lot of control over my nutrition because it was like I was just drinking that liquid nutrition for three weeks, so didn't have to worry about nutrition.
But for me, I chose to do yoga every day, whether it was five minutes, 10 minutes, 20 minutes. I did some form of stretching and yoga every single day in that season, and that really helped me through, and it gave me, A chance to regroup in the morning and center myself and feel grounded. And it was something that I could control in a season where there was so much that I couldn't control and a lot of stress and a lot of change that allowed me to just be and come back into myself so that I could tackle the rest of my day.
So then after that, I. Go a couple months more in my, my, you know, I'm in that new apartment. It's roach infested. We're dealing with it. We pass midterms, then we get to February. So now we're approaching midterms for the spring semester. And I get news that my grandfather is gonna pass away soon. So I go home and my professors let me go home for three weeks actually, and this was before.
Virtual classes were a thing because this was before Covid. I mean, COVID started in March, so this was like a month before. We didn't know what Covid was at this point, but they, you know, Columbia did have a Zoom option for like emergencies, and they recorded lectures, so they just watched, let me watch the recordings and I spent three weeks at home helping to take care of my grandfather at the end of his life.
And then we had to. Go through his funeral because he, he passed away. So I'm dealing with that loss I'm dealing with. Trying to keep up with school and all while trying to keep up with my business and clients as well and my team and all of the things. Um, and at that time I asked myself, what would be the best thing for me to do for my health to get me through this time?
Because I mean, if you ever had someone pass away, especially a significant family member, and you're there to help, and especially if this is a grandparent, it is. I mean, I was very close with my grandfather. It was devastating to see him go. And with that, it's also very difficult. Watching your parents grieve very difficult.
So I had to show up for them, really because I needed to give them the space to be able to grieve and take some things off of their plate so that they could process their emotions. So as a grandchild, there really was a lot of pressure. But you have to remember, and I talk about this all the time on my show, M r s me first responsibility, second serving others.
Third, we all have roles and responsibilities that we need to show up for people that are expecting us to show up as our best selves. People that are relying on us, that, that need us, and we cannot pour from an empty picture. We cannot pour into other people's cups if we are empty ourselves, if we're running on E.
So it's not selfish to prioritize yourself. In these moments and in especially at a funeral, you know what I mean? Where it's all about the person who's grieving or like maybe you would think, oh, it's about my grandmother because she's now a widow. And it's like, yes, it is about her. I am able to best support her though if I am showing up as my best self, if I'm doing everything I can to feel grounded and centered and to care for myself and to give myself energy and.
To pour into myself because then I actually have something to give, then I have something to offer. So it's not selfish to care for yourself first. It's necessary. And if you really care about your responsibilities, if you really care about the people in your life that are depending on you to show up, you are going to care for yourself first.
You need to care for yourself first so that you can care for them and show up in the way that they deserve and the way that they need. So during this time, Instead of focusing on movement, I mean, movement's always important, but in this season of my life, I really wanted to prioritize journaling and writing down the things that I was grateful for.
So I made sure that I was extra diligent with my journaling when, in comparison, when I was moving from New Jersey and going through that breakup and like, I, I remember I just like packed up all my books and, you know, and my journal was in there and. Like I wanted to prioritize movement at that time, but in this season of my life, it's not that I didn't exercise at all.
I got a couple workouts in when I was home, but I was like, what would make me feel the most grounded and the most centered is to journal every morning and use my five minute journal and write down three things that I'm grateful for. Write down three things that would make today productive and good, and write some positive affirmations.
That's what helped me most during that time. And that allowed me just those, those few moments before I got outta bed in the morning, I left my journal at my bedside. I poured into myself before I got up, and then the rest of my day was spent caring for other people. So that was really, really important to me at that time.
And then I got back to New York City right after the funeral and I spent one night in that roach infested apartment, and I woke up and I'm covered in bug bites, literally got bedbugs. I've told, I think I've told the story on the podcast before in our earlier episodes, but, Oh goodness. So yeah, I got bedbugs and then I had to live in a hotel and it was just such a mess trying to find a new apartment, trying to deal with the fumigation, living in a hotel.
I'm spread out, you know, between the hotel room and my old apartment and trying to get all my clothes washed. So it's like I didn't have anything to wear. It was just a complete mess. That was my midterm week at school. It's like my grandfather just passed away. I'm living in a hotel. Uh, like it's just, there was so many things going on and I continued to journal during that time.
Cause I was like, this is something that I can control. This can, and especially with gratitude, it instantly changes our perspective. It instantly helps us zoom out and look at our lives from a different vantage point. And. See, okay, yes, I am going through a hard time right now, but I can't control my circumstances, but I can control my perspective and I can control my thoughts about it, and I'm gonna choose to be positive.
So my journaling really got me through that season of my life, and that's what I prioritized versus movement, nutrition. I did the best I could. I tried to make the, you know, the best choices, but. I was living out of a hotel at that point, so it was a lot of to-go meals. There was a diner next to the hotel, so I went to the diner a lot.
I got food on campus when I could a lot of to-go salads. I just wasn't using a fridge, I wasn't cooking. I had like a little mini fridge in my, I didn't even have a microwave in my little hotel room, so I did the best I could, but I knew nutrition was kind of gonna kind of be a wash. So I've released the need to control that.
And instead, I put my efforts where I could control and I could control when I woke up and the journaling that I did. And that really helped to ground me. And then Covid hit, you know, and when I got sick during the Covid, um, I had like strep throat one time, which I thought was gonna be covid, but then that the Covid test came back negative.
But then I had strep and then I ended up getting covid in like November of the next year. So I got Covid 2021, not 2020, which I feel like that's kind of an accomplishment to like, to not have gotten Covid in 2020.
I feel like that's kind of an accomplishment. but I ended up getting Covid November of 2021. So kind of like around Thanksgiving. It was before Thanksgiving. And, um, at that time I knew that I had no energy for exercise and I continued to journal cause I, I do keep that as my practice. But in that season I really chose, I.
To hone in on rest and prioritize sleep and say no to things and take a step back from commitments, which, especially with Covid, I think people are at, especially at that time, were really understanding like, yes, you need to prioritize rest, take as much time as you need. Have an extension on pro projects, things like that.
And I think that's starting to get more normalized with like the common cold where I feel like before Covid, if you had a cold, it was like throw some dirt on it. You still have to muer through and go. Where now people are like, oh, you have a cold. Like stay home. People are more willing. And obviously jobs in school are more able to, they're just able to adapt to an online environment.
But, um, I think all people are also getting more understanding with the common cold and are giving people chances to relax and more grace. So that's good. But I really prioritized rest. That's when I was like sleeping and disconnecting from social media and obviously didn't make plans with people because it was isolating.
But I just spent a lot of time with myself and was just being. So I, I prioritized rest and then a couple months later my grandmother passed away and, um, this is when, you know, travel restrictions were lifted. And I actually flew to Florida to help her at the end of her life. I was very close with my mom's mom, my grandmother, and um, so I flew to Florida a couple times to help her.
In her assisted living, but this was one of the la like I was the last person to go and visit her before she passed away. So she was really there towards the end. And I actually, cuz we didn't have her condo anymore, um, cuz she was living in an assisted living, but then she needed more support, so she was in like the highest level of support in the assisted living.
And I ended up staying in, cuz we didn't have a place to stay in Florida and I didn't know how long I was gonna be there. So like I didn't wanna get a hotel and that would be pricey. I ended up staying with her nurse, like she had an extra room in her house and offered like her extra room. To me it was just so sweet and so kind.
At that point in my journey I was feeling so. Like gross and bloated in my skin, like skin, and I just wasn't feeling like that. Summer, I remember I was not body positive at all and I really hit a wall with my body positivity. I've really had to crawl myself out of that and I've made huge strides since then.
Um, and I've talked about the things that I've done to boost my body image on the podcast, but I knew in this season, ex it was too hot in Florida to exercise. I couldn't really go to a class. Um, I was journaling, but it just wasn't giving me the same effect as it was. What I really wanted to prioritize was nutrition in this season, and I think this can be helpful when you're going through funerals, finals, or even with the flu.
Like if you're sick, you need to be, yes, prioritizing rest, but you need to be prioritizing nutrition as well and not just having it be a free for all. Because your body's immune system is compromised, you need those vitamins and minerals to keep you going. So nutrition should be an emphasis, and it's very easy to get groceries delivered nowadays.
So even if you're sick from home, or if you're covid and you need to, you know, quarantine or whatever, You can get groceries delivered and still have nutrient dense meals, even if you're only able to eat soup. Okay? Put some collagen peptides in there, get some extra protein, get some leafy greens or some frozen vegetables.
To add to your soup to make it even more nutrient dense. Make a smoothie if you can only sip your nutrients and pack that with a bunch of fruits and vegetables and protein. So there's definitely ways around this. Um, but I knew when I was visiting my grandmother, staying at her nurse's house, I needed to prioritize nutrition.
So that's when I, I just knew it would make me feel gross to do what I did. When I was with the bedbug situation and like going to diners and getting takeout all the time, that was not gonna sit well with me. I wanted to make some of my own meals and I wanted stuff to be nutrient dense. And when I went to the assisted living, I didn't want to eat the food that they were providing.
I wanted to bring my own food to have more control over my nutrition and to have stuff that was the most nutrient dense for me. So I ended up going, I rented a car and I went to. The grocery store and I, the nurse that I was staying with, she let me use her kitchen and gave me a whole shelf in her fridge.
And I meal prepped meals while I was there. I like went to the dollar store and bought Tupperware and I ended just like throwing it out afterwards. It was like literally a dollar for a, a little five pack of Tupperware. Um, I got some microwaveable bags of rice. I got a rotisserie chicken. I got frozen bags of vegetables.
I got baby carrots, some cheese sticks. I got some fruit and yogurt. I got a couple like protein shakes. Protein bars. But yeah, I mean, I made simple meals, but it was more nutrient dense and honestly more affordable than me going out to restaurants for breakfast, lunch, dinner.
And I was there for like 10 days. Like I was there for a significant amount of time. So, That's what I needed to prioritize in that season. For whatever reason, nutrition and focusing on that was more important to me when I was taking care of my grandmother than it was when I was taking care of my grandfather.
It was more important to me then than it was during finals or when I was going through the bedbugs. And there were, so it's not that I like wasn't journaling or wasn't moving my body, but out of all of my healthy habits, that's the one that I prioritized. That's the box that I made sure to check each day.
So what I wanna reiterate to y'all in the lessons that I want you to take away is, That when stuff comes up in our lives, when life hits because life is going to hit, and when stuff happens with my clients, when they're going through the programs, I'm like, yes. I mean, I'm so sorry that this is happening to you, but I'm also like, yes, because you are in the context of a health coaching program where you're getting accountability and support, and I can help you through this.
I can teach you and we can work together on how. You can use your healthy habits to your advantage, to support your health and to get your energy right and your confidence right? And have you feel more grounded to help you deal with your emotions, to get you through the hard season that you're in or whatever life is throwing at you.
So the way that we do this is to remember that we can always do something whenever we feel the urge to P, totally pull back and do absolutely nothing for our health. Know that that's a lie. We could do something for our health. We can't do everything, so we need to release this need to be perfect. We need to release the need to check all of the boxes and the need to do multiple things.
And then the, we need to release the pressure to do stuff, to check a box. The point of doing healthy habits when we're really busy or when we have tragedy and when life is really hitting us hard. Or maybe you're a, a tax person, maybe you're an accountant and you're in tax season. Like if you're in a busy season, you still need to do stuff for your health.
But it's not for the purpose of checking a box just to say, okay, I'm consistent with my healthy lifestyle. No, it's to do something. To make you feel better, to allow you to show up for whatever season you're in, whatever you need to deal with, whatever's the priority at this time to best support you at that time.
So you need to ask yourself, what would make the biggest difference to me? What would make me feel the most grounded? What can I do each day? And that might be asking yourself, what's the most effective part of my morning routine? What lights me up the most? What makes me feel more myself? What makes me feel most at home?
What makes me feel the most cared for and nurtured? What's the most effective part of my morning routine? However, you might not have a morning routine, and if you don't, then you need to head to the show notes and listen to our main character morning routine episode because it's so much easier when life hits and or when you kind of quote unquote fall off the wagon, it's easier to take the foundation that we have for a morning routine and modify it to shift whenever life is hitting us. And we don't have time to do everything, but we still wanna do something, we still need to do something.
So listen to that episode. I'll link it up in the show notes. Main character Morning Routines, episode seven. That episode will be really, really important for you to develop a morning and evening routine so that you can modify it when life hits. So you wanna be prepared. It'll be important for you to think about, okay, what's the most effective part of my morning routine?
Um, but if you don't have a morning routine right now and life is hitting you hard, then I would say what would make the biggest difference to you? What habit? What would make you feel grounded? Is it journaling? Is it focusing on nutrition and trying to control what you can when you can? Is it moving your body?
Is it meditate meditation? Is it prioritizing sleep? What does that look like for you? And that's what I would recommend. We don't need to do everything. It's focusing on one thing and letting that regenerate your energy. So if you're going through finals, I would be focused on, okay, what's going to make me.
I would focus on energy management. What can, what's the one thing that I can do that would refresh my energy in addition to getting sleep? And there's a lot of research that shows that all nighters are not helpful for learning information and consolidating memories. So we definitely need to be prioritizing sleep during finals.
And with that, what else could you be doing that would be good for your energy? So, finals I normally recommend, you know, either having some nutrient dense meals, some good study snacks that would be, Good as fuel. Uh, cuz sometimes our calorie dense things just make us more tired because they're more processed.
Um, also moving your body helps. Maybe it's just going for a quick run or a quick walk in between study sessions when you have the flu. I would say prioritize rest for sure, and then also focus on nutrition. How could you get those vitamins and minerals in because that's when your immune system is compromised.
And then for funerals, Think about what can you do to refill your picture because you're gonna be pouring into others. What can you do to start to process your emotions with this loss? And just how can you care for yourself? How can you give yourself grace during that season? Um, and if you know that you have to show up for other family members, how can you care for yourself and show up for yourself first that you're ready to show up for them?
I hope that this episode was helpful, and whatever you're going through right now, just know that. My heart just goes out to you. And I have so much empathy. I feel like I've been through the ringer with, with stuff, and I have so many more examples. Like when I found out I had my bone tumor, what did I do in that season?
Like I just, I, I can look to these different tragedies in my life and point to the healthy habit that helped ground me and was , the thing that I can control. Like with weddings, we, we have something blue, something old, something new, something borrowed, like what is your one thing? When you look back at these different seasons of your life and these different, tragedies or turning points, what's the one thing that helped ground you to get you through?
Um, I can look back and pinpoint those different things, and I hope that this episode was helpful to give you more ideas and more tools for your toolbox and some reassurance that even if you're in a situation that you can't control, you can control one thing and this one thing that you control with your health, that something can actually , help you cope to help get you through.
Hope that this was helpful and I'll see y'all in the next episode.
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