Episode 43 Transcript
[00:00:00] Hello. Hello y'all. Welcome back to the Be About Being Better podcast. I am so excited to bring this guest, y'all today because you, we talk about so many things in this episode. It's honestly fabulous and I know this will relate to a lot of people. Marliese Shaw is being interviewed on the podcast today, she is a client of ours at Be About being better.
She went through our Begin Better program, different than the Academy and this program. The way that when I developed this program, I looked at our most successful academy clients and I was like, what did these clients come into the program already knowing? What habits did they already have? What mindset shifts did they already make?
And to make clients even more successful in the Be About being Better Academy, what could they know or be taught beforehand? To give them a stronger foundation for our coaching philosophies at epi about, you know, really non-diet, intuitive eating, sustainable healthy lifestyle approach. And so that's what I took to create the curriculum for the Begin Better Program.
It's another 12 week program. It takes 10 minutes a week, so it's very low time commitment. And it's very low cost. It was a very cost effective program and we have several different payment options for it. Even some extended payment plan options, which can make it even more cost effective and affordable for people.
So the, um, information about the Begin Better Program and always our quiz if you're not sure if that's the right program for you. But I'll also link to, yeah, we'll link everything up in the show notes. We'll link my quiz. If you wanna take that if you haven't already. But I'll also put our info page about the Begin Better Program, because Marlisa is gonna talk about it in her experience a bit.
She's gonna tell her she's got a lot of stuff in her story, so she's gonna dive into that. But she also speaks on her experience and her takeaways from the Begin Better Program, and it's a program that y'all don't hear about so much. I feel like I talk about the academy. More often, um, cuz the Begin Better Program is a fairly new program.
So I'm excited for y'all to hear her experience and this could be a good program for you, especially if you're someone that has been listening to the podcast for a bit. You're not sure if you wanna dive into the Academy, you're not sure if you wanna want to, and or are able to make the bigger financial investment to join the academy.
The Begin Better program is a really good way to dip your toes in. Uh, you get. Daily accountability for me, messenger access back and forth. You get a workout plan, you get access to our workout app, you get two coaching calls with me throughout the time of the program, and I help pace , the healthy habits that we work on and your, your journey there.
So it's like fully customized. Um, as far as the accountability, like I choose what we're working on for the week, but then we figure out, okay, how are we gonna weave that healthy habit into your specific schedule? So more information on the begin Better program is in the show notes and I just wanna give some trigger warnings for this episode cuz Marli has a really impactful story, but she's had a hard journey.
So, uh, the mention of eating disorders. In this and history of um, and some mention of undereating and being underweight and you know, she mentioned some numbers as well. So I just wanted to, um, Warn y'all of, of that, but I wanna let you know that she has a really positive ending. She's in recovery now and is literally thriving.
Hashtag thriving. So, there's a light at the end of the tunnel, but I wanted to give those, those trigger warnings. And she talks about a new type of eating disorder that we don't hear about that much. And that's up and coming in the research. There's some studies done on it, but it's, we have so much more to know about.
No more in eating disorders in general, but also for this specific type of eating disorder that she had. so I'm excited for y'all to hear about that. Yeah, she's got a super impactful story and I'm really excited for you to dive in. Thank you for, for listening and I'll see you in the episode.
Abbie: Hello. Hello, y'all. I am so excited to welcome this amazing, amazing, amazing guest on the Be about being better podcast. She's just an incredible person, , a bright light, um, and as you just heard in the intro, a, a client of ours at be about being better, we got Marliesee, y'all in the House. How you doing girl?
Marliese: I am doing so good. How are you?
Abbie: Yay. I'm doing well. I'm so pumped to be chatting with you Um, so as you know here at, be about being better when we, um, start our podcast, uh, conversations, we just like to dive in. . I mean, I know people listen to an intro, but ain't nobody got time for a longer intro, so we're just gonna dive in and I'm really excited. For people to hear your story because peoplereally need this message and your story's really gonna impact a lot of people. So I'm so pumped to dive in. So my first question for you, Marliese, what, what is something that you've been through that ultimately made your life better?
Marliese: So when I was a teenager, I kind of had some eating troubles. Um, I got sent to the Emily program, which is an eating disorder clinic here in Spokane. And I was like the fifth adolescent admitted there, which was kind of scary. Like they didn't, they had just opened and I was there five days a week for seven hours a day. I was in inpatient care And I was not well. Um, I was like 92 pounds, couldn't even hold up my own body weight. um, very weak, very lethargic, like no energy. I couldn't even stand for two minutes. Like it was really bad. Um, and, I got out of there and ended up going back, I think like three or four years later cause I was then living on my own in a very toxic relationship and didn't really take care of myself. I had like a lot of fear around food at that time, which I didn't even really understand cuz I love food. But you know, when like the Naked Juice scandal came out and they had like the mislabel and there was a bunch of things in there that were on the label, Well, that like scared me for the rest of everything. And then it even got worse with like the GMOs And fruits and vegetables. I was like, oh my God, nothing is safe. I can't eat anything. like I just wanted to eat healthy, so I felt good and everything just like terrified me and so I went back to treatment and they wanted me to do inpatient care all the way in like Seattle or Michigan or something like that. And I just couldn't uproot my life at that time. So I like cried and broke down and was like, I got this. I've been here before. I just need a little bit of help. And the doctor was very hesitant about having me do outpatient care, but he let me do it and everything over time got a lot better. I learned a lot. I reduced my fear of awful foods and they helped me out. They pretty much saved my life, so, That’s, yeah, It was a long journey, but very worth it.
Abbie: Wow. Wow. And you really have come out on the other side recovered, thriving. Like I'm just, I'm so proud of you Number more. Thank you so much for, for sharing your story. I know it takes a lot of courage, a lot of vulnerability to, to share what you've been through and to like relive it as you're telling it. And one thing that I wanted to point out about something that you said is that you were like, I didn’t really un understand it. I don't know why I had this problem, because I love. Food. So is that, that's that disconnect and that is a disconnect and a misconception that a lot of people have when it comes to various eating disorders because it's not a choice. And it really, it takes over, it hijacks your mind and it it it alters your brain chemistry ultimately. And even though you love food and, People don't do this to themselves Because they Because they want to, it ends up, um, really being like a mental illness.
Marliese: Right. Definitely. I think the thing that was very confusing the first time I was there was. They didn't even have a diagnosis for me. I wasn't anorexic, I wasn't bulimic, I didn't purge nothing like that, but I was very malnutritioned. I had an unhealthy relationship with food. And so when I went back a few years later, I was so, so grateful that they had a new diagnosis between the first time I went and the second time that I ended up going there, they were finally able to find a proper diagnosis of ARFID for me. and so learning what that was,When you don't know what's going on, you don't know how to fix it, you don't have any understanding of it.So to finally be able to have a diagnosis and learn what was wrong with my eating habits, I had something that I could hold onto, that I could work with. and grow with and work on and develop outside of that.
Abbie: Yeah, and I Really appreciate you highlighting this, and that's one of the reasons why I really wanted to bring you on the show is because when I think, I think when people think eating disorder, they think anorexia, bulimia, and maybe just that. Maybe some people know like binge eating disorder or something like that. Although people think.There's binge eating, but I don't know if they know that binge eating can actually be a disorder. But then there is something called ARFID Um, so could you explain what ARFID is and how you kind of came to first learn about what that was? Was it when you were, um, admitted?
Marliese: Yes. So that was back, ooh, I was probably like 18 or 19 years old. so the second time I had gone and it's avoidant, restrictive food intake disorder. And so it's similar to anorexia, as in you're not eating enough, you're not getting enough nutrients, but it's without the fear of gaining weight. So I've always been very, very petite my entire life from like a green bean noodle, swear to it. And I want to gain weight. I've wanted to gain weight. my entire life and just haven't. I think the most I've ever weighed was like 126. And people always say like, oh, you're so lucky. I'm so jealous, da, da.da. Well, itdoesn'tfeel that way when that's all I've experienced. Like my goal is to be 130,140 pounds. Like, and so to be unable to gain that weight was very hard. It created a lot of like body dysmorphia. But ARFID is basically like, Our food used to be, um, selective eating disorder. And so it's very picky eating. Um, it depends on like your mood. Your mood has a lot to do with your appetite. Um, you know, you need to eat, but sitting in front of a meal, Your body would just feel sick rather than feeling hungry. And so I've literally sat at the dinner table and like cried while I'm eating dinner with my family because I couldn't get one bite of dinner down. And I just felt so nauseous and so weak and I knew I would need to eat. But there was a misfire in my brain to where I'm not feeling hunger, I just feel sick and eating one bite of food, my body would feel like it, like rejected it almost. And We do have favorite foods. People with ARFIDgenerally are on some sort of A D H D or autism spectrum.That's where it's most prominent, which I just recently learned. I thought that was pretty interesting.
Abbie: that isinteresting.
Marliese: Yeah, and so we have a lot of like sensory, like favoritisms or dislikes, especially with food. And then we have our favorite foods, like our go-tos When I was a teenager, it wasn't very healthy.Go-to foods. I would eat like a whole bag of ruffles or Cheez-Its or Wheat Thins. It was really bad. But now that I've eatena lot of healthier foods and learned about food, like I have my favorite go-tos that are super healthy for me, and avocado toast with tomatoes and fried egg on top, or things like that And I still have my favorite foods, but now I kind of mix it up a little bit more and I'm always trying new things. and so I've reduced a lot of like my pain and my weakness and stomach issues and things like that. So it's been a process and I mean, it still affects me sometimes, mostly on an emotional level. If I'm sad or I'm like having a weird day, I don't really have an appetite. But through that, I've learned that. Replacing it with like smoothies or an apple or a banana, some sort of fruit. Always kind of kickstarts my hunger back, just eating something small. Just kind of like activates that and I can take that throughout my day.
Abbie: Yes, absolutely. And we recently just did an episode on, uh, picky Eating Tips. Tips if you're on a d h ADHD medications and a lot of the tips in that episode can work for arfid. Although we recommend for Arvin, you need to, you know, really be. seeing a therapist about this and a Dietician as well that really specializes in that because it's very nuanced and a lot of it is psychological because it's so linked to mood, like you said. And one thing I wanted to point out is there is a difference and. Maybe you can expand on this a little bit more between just having like favorite foods. Cause I think we all have favorite foods that we like. we have likes and dislikes and that's fine. That doesn't mean that you have an eating disorder if you don't like to eat everything. Uh, like I'm not a huge pizza person, but it doesn't mean that I have an eating disorder, which people think that's crazy. But, Whatever. Um, but the,I think, let me know if I'm explaining this right. Whenit comes to ARFID, it's picky eating. You have more safe foods. It's like I can only eat these things. So yes, these are my favorite foods, but these are also my safe foods and like the only foods that I really can tolerate and will turn to.Is that
Marliese: Yes. Yes. Especially with eating out. Like if I go to a restaurant, It used to happen a little more.I'm, I'm venturing out now, which I'm really happy for when I go. out, I'm trying new things. Yes, But it used to be like if I went to Olive Garden, it was chicken fettuccine. That was it. if I went to a burger joint, it. was just a super burger with fries. That's it. Like it was always the same thing. And sometimes I still do that cuz it is just my favorite food. But with ARFID, you're very like, Very, very hesitant to reach outside of that because one thing with it is how do I, so if you go into eating a meal and you think that this is what you want, and then you take a bite of it and your body's like, Hmm, no, I wanted something else. But if that thing's not available and your body's craving it, like that's the only thing that it can eat. And so if I look in my pantry or my fridge and I'm craving a very specific meal and it's not available, you like have a really hard time eating anything else Like it, it almost like cuts off your hunger and you're not hungry anymore. Or there's been times where I've made a meal and I think it'll taste really good. I think I'm gonna enjoy it. And then I take a bite and I'm like, Hmm, no, that's not it. I won't.
Abbie: Yeah.
Marliese: what, that's the flavor that my body is looking for. My mind is looking for and it's not there. So it's just, it's almost out the window. Which is really hard cuz you know you need to eat. But it's just not jiving with you.
Abbie: Right. There's almost this like particular nature, like, oh, there's something about the texture that I can't handle, um Or some other sensory thing, whether it's, it's, a smell and if you're fixated on something with ARFID, you need that or nothing else is gonna work.
Marliese: Yes.
Marliese: it's pretty much like an all or nothing.
Abbie: And that's really hard because if you're all or nothing, That can lead. I mean, you said before you were really malnourished if you're only eating the same things and you don't have a lot of variety and maybe the things that you're turning to, like I know, uh, for a lot of people that have are, it's like, chicken nuggets. It's like those
Marliese: left.
Abbie: good protein Yeah. Right. Love chicken nuggets. good
Marliese: love chicken.
Abbie: How, uh, you're missing if that's the only thing you're eating, you're missing so many essential vitamins and minerals that we need in our diet. So that can lead to deficiencies and make you even more malnourished.
Marliese: Yeah. One of my go-to meals growing up was just a bowl of Alfredo pasta, nothing else in it cuz I was too lazy to cook anything else with it. So I would just boil noodles, pour Alfredo sauce on it and call it a day. And I would eat like a giant bowl, like literally bigger than my head. It was ridiculous. And so all I was getting was just way too many carbs and nothing else. I was Protein.deficient for a really really long time. Protein. It takes a while to cook. And then I had to really learn all the other proteins that are out there, cuz for a long time I just thought it was meat, Like I didn't think I would be able to get enough protein from these And stuff. through this journey,I've learned how to. Keep My protein intake, which has been really nice. It gives me a lot more energy. I'm able to process the rest of what I'm eating very well and so that's really cool.
Abbie: Yes, protein is like the best macronutrient, truly. I mean, I love carb, love fats, love all the things. And you said you like avocado toast. I, that's fabulous.But there is something so special about protein. I don't know what, it just makes us feel good. It gives us energy,it keeps us satiated, it helps to balance our blood sugar, helps us to build muscle. It's just all around like the best macronutrient, truly. And it's easy to get deficient in that. Um, and it can make you weaker. Like you said, you could barely stand up. If you're protein deficient, you really are weak. Your hair can get very brittle. It's, you know, it can lead to a, a, lot of different, um, Adverse effects, So I appreciate you speaking to that. Now, to get yourself to a place of recovery, what are some like key things that come to mind? What helped you in that process towards recovery?
Marliese: So, one of the main things that helped me to get like my, fruit routine vegetables in, cause through my, um, eating disorder clinic journey, they gave me a packet. cuz I was on a very like personalized diet, and it wasn't like they told me what to eat, but it was portions of protein, carbs, and fruit vegetables. And when I looked through the list, it was almost foreign to me. And so I went through and put a blue.by not only the ones that I have eaten before, but even the ones that I have heard of. And so I may not have eaten it, but I've heard of it before. And I realized looking through that list, I only knew about one fourth of the foods out there that existed and that was just in the list. So I was like, oh my God, I didn't even know that this was food. And so I tried so many fruits and vegetables for the first time, and
Abbie: you actually let us know, do you remember anything on the list that you were like, I didn't even know that food existed? Like anything that surprised you?
Marliese: Um, not the ones that didn't exist, but I was surprised that I hadn't fried. Um, and so between maybe like the last four or five years I had tried mushrooms, zucchini, bell peppers, like green onions, pineapple, mango, like for the first time, like I pretty much lived 20 years of my life, never having any of that. And so my parents raised us on a very American diet. Um, we didn't eat breakfast, which is kind of sad And then they would always make the same sandwich every day for us to eat at school. And then when we came home for dinner, it was spaghetti, corn dogs, burgers, Pizza. Like very american, no vegetables. It
Abbie: They say the standard American diet S A D, sad, like the standard American diet. It sad, It'sfunny that you said that too.
Marliese: Oh my god, that's funny. I haven't heard that. That's great. But yeah, so I basically had to teach myself these things and teach myself how to cook with them. And something that really helped me was finding foods that I already know that I like. For example, chicken Alfredo. Um, I would sneak vegetables into it. So I would chop up mushrooms very finely so that the texture didn't bother me. Now I love that so like I'll throw the whole thing in there, but I would also cut up. I would also cut up like zucchini yellow squash. I wouldput bell peppers in there. I would throw sausage in there. And so it would be more of like a, like a pasta mix such as everything, and like half of it would bee vegetables. And so it's really cool to. Just kind of hide the foods that you're trying in foods that you already like. Um, another example is like with grilled cheese. I love grilled cheeses. If you slice up like yellow and red bell peppers and put it in the grilled cheese, so good.
Abbie: Sometimes I'll put a slice of tomato in my grilled cheese and or Turkey slices to add extra protein in
Marliese: I put ham in mine and
Abbie: Yes. It's
Marliese: Dip it in the tomato. Soup. Mm.
Abbie: Oh my gosh. Yes. It's such a good combo. So I love that you said that. It's like, Hey, what are our safe foods or our favorite foods, the foods that we can tolerate? How do we make those more nutrient dense? How do we start to sneak in some new foods that we haven't tried before into things that we already like to kind of sandwich it? And in the case of the grill cheese, literally sandwich it?
Marliese: Yes. And then I think the other thing that helped me is cause. When I was a teenager, I would wake up every morning between five and 6:00 AM That's not my wake up time, but I would wake up and it was excruciating. My stomach would literally feel like it's like ripping me half and So many mornings. My dad would walk out and I would be like on my hands and knees crawling to the fridge, Grab a glass and I'm like still sitting on the floor trying to fill up my glass of water and. I would physically have to like move my stomach in and out to get any of it to go down, cuz I would gorge myself at night. So like not getting enough food during the day, I would just, I would binge at night and then I would fall asleep.I would basically eat till I fell asleep. There were so many nights, like a bag of ruffles, just literally waking up with me in the bed to
Abbie: Wow.
Marliese: so from falling asleep after just eating so much and consuming way too much at night. I would fall asleep right after. And so my body at some point would stop digesting and the food would get stuck. And so when I woke up, It would be trying to digest with no water intake and things like that. And so it was very painful, and so I had to figure out how to get more calories in during the day so that I would stop gorging at night. But because I was in so much pain, I didn't want, my body wasn't used to eating.stuff. And so what one of my dieticians had explained to me is like, drink a glass of water. And even if you're not hungry, like eat an apple, eat a banana, something small, something light to just kind of let your stomach know and your body know like, Hey, it's time to be awake. It's okay to eat. Like, and it kind of kickstart your metabolism and you're hunger for the day. And so, It used to be that I would literally eat like one fried egg or one hash brown in the morning or one piece of fruit, and now I wake up and I'm Like super hungry. Like I've trained my body to do that, which is great. Breakfast is my favorite meal of the day, and that really helped me to drink a glass of water and just eat something small.As soon As you wake up.
Abbie: Yes, I love that. And not waiting until the end of the day because it's just too much for your body.It, like you said, you just, you feel sick after you don't digest as well and you don't feel good during the day if you're not eating enough. When we're sleeping, we're in more of a recovery state. So like Our brain is consolidating memories, our muscles are healing themselves. our gut wants to take a break. So if you're putting a lot of food in right before bed, there's just not, it's, you're not gonna digest well. Plus it's really not good to be eating something and then lying down. That doesn't help for digestion and like for reflux purposes as well. So, I'm really happy that you were, you found a way to kind of change your schedule. And have, um, a new, a new way of eating versus nothing during the day and then so much at night. What are some other things that helped you?
Marliese: Um, so for the nighttime, because I avoid eating super late at night, I always drink a cup of lemon, honey water, first thing when I wake up and right before I go to bed, lemon honey water has literally been one of my saviors for that. It's so relaxing too, Very meditative and calming. I'll sit there and read a book, or like, Pretty much just read a book, but that's helped a lot at the nighttime and waking up and then finding a love for working out, yoga, Pilates. Even just going on a walk, I found that if I'm not super hungry first thing in the morning, I'll drink my tea and like go for a walk around the block and by the time I'm home, just like one block, I'm super hungry.And so just moving my body a little bit starts activating my hunger, and I'm like, Almost like a pig. Like I'm like foraging for everything in my cupboards at that point. So I never used to work out until I was probably 20, 21 years old. Like I didn't do anything before that. And so finding a love for working out And moving my body, even if it's just dancing in the morning to music and just like a little bit of movement. I mean, this morning I did 10 minutes of yoga and I feel great. Like you really don't have to do a whole lot of movement to just kind of get in the groove of things.
Abbie: Yes. I love that. And it's so true. We don't have to do a super intense workout workout. And if also, if you're not eating Enough at all to like just support your basic needs, like are you familiar with rmr, your resting metabolic rate?
Marliese: Yes.
Abbie: Okay, awesome. I'm sure that has come up in, in your treatments and things in, in your research.Um, but for listeners that may not know, your resting metabolic rate is the amount of calories that your body burns just by being at rest. So if you just lay in bed all day, did not move one muscle, your body burns a certain number of calories just to keep your brain functioning, your blood pumping, your heart pumping, your lungs going, your digestive tract going, all the things just that are happening internally. And, um, I would say everyone has an individual number of what their RMR is and just at rest how many calories we burn. But I do the calculation so much and I've been obviously running b about being better for Five years now, we've coached hundreds of clients. So I've done the calculation quite a bit. I would say most of the clients that come through the academy, their, their RMR is between 1200 and 1500 calories, Somewhere in that range. So if you're only eating a thousand calories, 800 calories, like you're not getting enough to even just meet your basic. Need to keep your body functioning at rest. So then imagine, I mean, I'm talking with my hands right now cause I'm always talking like we're burning calories as we're fidgeting. If you're getting up in the morning, if you're brushing your teeth, if you're doing the dishes, walking to your car to go to work, typing on the computer, texting, picking up your phone to answer a phone call, scrolling a, all of these things burn calories.They're just activities of daily living. And then if you put a workout on top of that, you're expending even more calories So if you're not taking calories, enough calories in, like you're just, you're gonna feel weak. You are gonna burn out. You're, you're gonna get hungry really quick. Yeah. It's gonna stimulate your, your metabolism. And eventually, sometimes we'll lose those hunger cues because our metabolism. We'll realize, okay, I'm not getting enough food to meet my basic need, so I'm going to kind of shut down some processes. So I make, so your body starts saying, I'm gonna expend less calories because we're not getting enough. So a lot of times our digestion will slow down and that can lead to gas, constipation, irregular bowel movements, bloating, bloating’s a huge thing. So when people say they're bloating, it's like, no, you don't need to go get the. Greens supplement that is you're being targeted for on Instagram or TikTok. Like you don't need green supplement. You probably just need to be eating more and eating more consistently and not skipping meals. Um, so that's a huge thing that I see is that people, um, are trying to show up for these workouts, but they're like, my body isn't changing or I'm getting super fatigued.It's like, well, we're we're probably not eating enough. So I'm happy that you realize that.
Marliese: Yeah, it's. definitely. I mean, there's a part of your brain that just keeps you alive and it'll send signals to you that like, Hey, I need this for survival to keep myself alive. And if you don't feed that, which I wasn't feeding, that, it's gonna stop sending it. And so it gets to a point where you don't feel hungry, you just feel sick.
Abbie: Oh, that's so true. You, you do start to feel sick. Um, and I'm really happy that you've gotten out of that and you've gotten now to a place of recovery. So, Living your life, living your best life, but we found each other and you decided to sign up for coaching would be about being better. So what went into that? When did you realize, okay, I do wanna sign up for coaching. I need some extra support. Um, yeah. What made you wanna join the program?
Marliese: Um, so couple years ago I ended up getting a personal trainer for fitness cuz you know, I had never worked out my whole life. I tried going to the gym and I was just like hurting myself. I'm like hypermobile, overly flexible, things like that. And so I was really prone to injury. And so I gained a lot of knowledge And insight from paying for that. And sometimes we gotta pay for what we want and it, it's worth it. It's worth it to invest in yourself. And so when I stopped doing that, I was able to keep that knowledge and keep that like snowball of motivation going just with even myself. And so, You came up on my TikTok and you just like kept popping up and I was like, oh my God, this sounds amazing. And From mentoring with my personal trainer, I was like, dude, I could do this in other areas of my life cuz I have this base knowledge from going through my whole eating disorder journey. And it's just, I was missing something. I didn't know how to apply it. And so all this information that I had was like, so scattered everywhere. I knew what I needed to do, but like how do I do it? And so going from like scattered knowledge into being able to like, organize and apply. it was very necessary for me. I have a really bad habit of like, I'm gonna do everything all at once. I'm gonna wake up and I'm gonna get everything done and I'm gonna eat all my meals and I'm gonna cook everything fresh and like, I would burn out within three days. Like three days is the max and I was done. I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't keep up. And so something that you've really helped me with is like you don't have to do it all, all the time. Like if you can just do one thing for yourself that day, hey, you did something. And so that really really helped me a lot, especially with like, I've been going through some things recently and so being able to remind myself that like. It's okay to slow down and take time for yourself and then like hop back on the wheel as you're ready. and like working on my habits. So like hoping that like my habits and lifestyle change will just kind of continue to trickle into other areas of my life, cuz that's inevitable.
Abbie: Yeah, a hundred percent. A hundred percent. Once you better your health, I mean, this is why I name my company be about being better is because if we can optimize your health, kind of free up that mental head space where you don't have to think about food so much and your routines are more automatic, you don't have as many negative self-deprecating thoughts that just frees you up energetically. Number one, . If you optimize your health, you're gonna have more energy, more productivity, more confidence, and if we free up that mental head space, you just have more bandwidth. To devote to other areas in your life that can actually move the needle. Like you can show up for your finances, you can optimize your relationships, you can dig deeper, heal your inner child. You have the capacity to heal your gut or go back to therapy and just, do more in your career and optimize
Marliese: The one thing that surprised me the most was water. Like I thought I was getting enough water and I wasn't, and so for that first week where it's just water, that's all I had to focus on, which was great. It felt very freeing mentally that, okay, all I have to do for this week is water, and then whatever else I do. When I got all my water intake for like a week or two weeks, I remember I messaged you and I was like, oh my God, I have so much energy. I did not realize how tired I was just because I wasn't drinking enough water. And so that snowballed into the next week, and into the next week, and things just kind of, they got smoother.
Abbie: Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I'm so happy that you spoke to that because that's one of the reasons I wanted to structure our Begin Better program the way that it is. We just focus on one healthy habit at a time to get you to see. We don't need, especially for someone like you, that was very all or nothing. I wanted to do all the things, but I only lasted three days. It's like, we need to get comfortable just doing something versus just trying to do everything and then. Doing nothing. Like if you can't do everything then I'm gonna do nothing. So almost helping you pace the program. We're just gonna focus on one thing at a time. Helps with that long-term sustainability cuz you have a stronger foundation.
Marliese: Yeah, a hundred percent. It was really cool to just kind of like pick one thing at a time. Kind of like the James Clear, like 1% better type thing of like habits. Like if you just do one thing for yourself every day. For like a month. 1% better every day. Well, by the end of the month, you're 30% better, and then next month you're 60% better. Like just doing that 1%, that one small thing for yourself. Compound so many, I didn't even realize until I lived it.
Abbie: Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I'm so proud of you. You really, um, took the program by storm. You applied everything and clearly you're getting so much out of it. And I'm really happy that not every day in the program was bright and shiny for you, because I think you have a really good testimonial to this, that not every day is gonna look perfect. And sometimes things happen.Everything happens in, in God's perfect timing. But for you, I'm so happy that these things happened while you were in the context of the program because we were able to support you and really give you, you know, that that personalized support and you weren't alone. Going through this and figuring out how do I keep up with my health? How do I do something when in the past I would've pulled back and done absolutely nothing. So you went through a really hard time personally in the middle of the program that kind of led you to. Maybe quote unquote, fall back on some of your healthy habits, like you were making all these progress and fall back. But th this is life, that this is what a sustainable, healthy lifestyle looks like. So do you mind speaking to that and what helped you in the course of the program, get your healthy habits back, get your routine back while you were going through this difficult time?
Marliese: Yeah, no, definitely. I mean, it all kind of happened within a few days. Um, Me and my partner went through a really big breakup. I mean, and it lasted a long while too. That was really really hard. And then at the same time, I had some roommates moving out. So literally I had like three people moving outta my house at once. So my my, rent just like quadrupled and I didn't have money for it. And I lost like the best relationship I've ever had at this point. So that was very difficult. I mean, this person, the absolute world to me, and. With them. I found a lot of motivation. I found a lot of drive to want to better myself with them, for them, for myself. Like I had all these goals and ambitions for myself and for our future. And so that just kind of crumbled. And one of the things that helped me the most through this was reminding myself of those small steps. So like, I couldn't get my water intake in. I couldn't bring myself to go work out. I couldn't bring myself to make all these snacks and meals for myself. And so what I did do was I got myself out of bed every day. I got dressed. I may have gotten dressed in sweats in a sweatshirt, but I'm
Abbie: still got dressed?
Marliese: clothes on. And through that, every day I was able to like wash my face, brush my hair, and brush my teeth. That was it. like. that's all I could bring myself to do. And I reached out to you and like you helped me feel a lot more comfortable with that. Like, hey, like it's okay to take a step back and rest and reset because if we're still trying to do everything on top of this, like it's not gonna feel best, it's not gonna be our best work, it's not gonna be the best for ourselves. Sometimes we really do just need to pause and reset and like recalibrate where we are.
Abbie: Yes, and almost change the standard of like, what's that one thing? Like if we're only gonna do one thing for our health, like I think a lot of people like, oh well I'll meditate every day cuz that's my one thing. Or I'll journal or I'll go, you know, for a workout. And I think it's hard to like go from that to that cuz you had already accepted at that point in the program that I just need to do something versus nothing. But we changed what that something was, the baseline changed where it was like, okay, in this season my, something has to be brushing my teeth, brushing my hair, changing my clothes. and those were even three things. Sometimes we only can do one of those, right? So it's like these were my little things, whereas before when I wasn't in this difficult season, Of course I was gonna do those things and I was gonna do something else on top of it, and that was my one thing, but it's like, no, no, no, wait. But this was my new baseline. So I think it's very difficult to get comfortable with that. And I'm so proud of you for, for leaning into that and staying consistent with that because that helped you build the muscle for following through on commitments to yourself and rebuilt momentum back in your life And helped you feel grounded when so much was out of your control, that was something that you could control.
Marliese: Yes, I'm also very thankful. Um, the job that I was working with, I was a, well, I still am a caregiver, just different company now. Um, but it was really really hard to be able to care for my clients and well as caring for myself. Like, if you can't take care of yourself, you really don't feel like you're taking care of your clients very well, and they didn't deserve that. So I called one of my supervisors and. Pretty much broke down to her and she totally understood. She's been there before as well. She's had to take time off of work, and so she's like, look, we'll see how much stick time you have so that you don't have to go without pay and like, let's get you some time off, like take care of yourself. Eat ice cream and watch Netflix for two weeks if you have to. And like That totally wasn't my vibe. What I ended up doing was small things for myself, but being able to take those two weeks off of work while getting paid, I was so, so so appreciative of, and I found time for myself to like read books, which really helped me. Um, atomic Habits by James Clear. was absolutely amazing. I literally recommend it to anyone who wants to like up their life. Um, and then one that I'm still working on that is just blowing my mind is breaking the habit of being yourself by Joe Dispenza. That one is like On a quantum atomic level, like bettering yourself and like rewiring your old ways of living and things like that. So like that was very beneficial. I moved my entire room around cuz in atomic habits he explains like you can't build old habits in an environment where those old habits play. And so changing your environment, changing the energy and like the flow of where these things are that create those habits is so important. And so like, To be honest, I just couldn't sleep or be in the same room that like me and my partner had like rearranged and moved for ourselves. Like every time I walked in I was just like reminded of everything and so I couldn't do that to myself. So I moved my entire room around and it felt so much better and just like, doing these little things to make little adjustments and like make it back myself again.
Abbie: Oh, I love that so much. You have a little feng shui there. Dive into personal development. Um, opening up to your community, Hey, I need help some, it's so hard for people to ask for help. And you were like, this is what I'm going through. I'm gonna be really transparent. you were with me and, and with your boss too. Hey, I need some support right now. I need some community. What, what can I do? And, people's grades are really able to give you The space to get the insights that you needed from from those books and to be able to care for yourself, and we have to feel to heal if you just continue to plow through and work through that and care for other people when you weren't pouring into yourself and you're just pouring from an empty pitcher like number one, that's not sustainable. That is like the quickest way, quickest way to burnout. Um, But it just, it doesn't, it doesn't feel aligning and it doesn't help the people on the other end of that. We have to pour into ourselves in order to pour out into other people. So I'm really happy that you went through that process of feel to heal, because if you avoid that feeling process and really slowing down and giving yourself that time, it it will catch up with you and it, will be harder for you to work through that, that difficult time.
Marliese: Yeah, I think the last thing that helped me as well was you sent me a five minute journal, which I had been wanting for a long time, but, and it literally came like I think a week or two weeks after all this blew up and. I got it in the mail and I just like had tears in my eyes and so that's been really cool to focus on. The positives, even though so much quote unquote negative is swirling around sometimes in our lives, like bringing ourselves back to those small little positive small little things of like gratitude is beyond helpful. Like I didn't even realize how much, just like focusing on that helps Carry that throughout your day and throughout your night, and so that, I'm very thankful for that. Thank you so much. That has helped me, tremendously. You have no idea.
Abbie: Wow.
Marliese: I'd still do it every day, and every night.
Abbie: Yay. because it's so easy. Uh, like it's, I love the five Minute Journal and I truly think it should be called the Two Minute Journal. I know I say this every time I talk about it, but it takes so little time And one thing that I think, whether consciously you've realized this or subconsciously that journal helped you with the little things like, what can I control? What can I and what can I, do each day? The section that says, oh, I have literally have it right here next to me. Always. We're literally attached with hip. Okay. So one of the questions in the morning says, what would make today great? And in the beginning when it explains how to use the journal, it talks about this, that you shouldn't put things in there like, well, I hope my flight's on time, or I hope I have a smooth. Flight, I hope I don't hit traffic. Or I hope the weather's nice. That would make today great if it was a sunny day and didn't rain. It's like, okay, but you can't control those things. So write down three things that would make your day great that you actuallycan control.
Marliese: right? Something that comes from you
Abbie: Yes. yes. And I think for you, it was like, okay, well I can control if I Put on some clothes. if if I brush my teeth, if I brush my hair, um, if I read a couple pages of my book today, maybe I won't finish a whole chapter, but I could read 10 pages or I could read for 10 minutes. I could change my space, I could reach out to a friend, I could do Pilates. Um, I know that was something that you've, you know, gotten into and that really helped you as well to changing the form of movement that you were doing. So yeah. What's, what's in your control? And I think the Five Minute Journal is so great about giving you.The questions to write out. Cause Sometimes looking at a blank journal, you're not really sure what to write, and it helps you build the habit for, how can I make my day great? When there's so many outside circumstances that we can't control? What can I do to make my own happiness a choice? Oh, I'm so excited. Is there anything else about your story that you wanna say to the, the, audience? Any other like words of wisdom or things you've picked up or things that were helpful?
Marliese: Um, something that's been helpful for me through all of this is like trying new things. So like you said, I've been doing Pilates recently. That's very, very, For me. Um, and so I'm diving deeper into that. I'm doing that like twice a week. I kind of fell off of it last month, but That's okay. We get back on it and it's all good. and then there's been a lot of life changes with me. I've made some healthier choices on getting sober and getting my life together and just really focusing on me and putting myself first. And so,
Abbie: Yeah.
Marliese: Sometimes with that, you lose some friends, you lose a little bit of your circle. But finding solitude and joy in things that I want to do is very, very peaceful. It's really humbling. and so something that I'm looking for this month, and I'm gonna take with me is I wanna start going to slam post. Nobody that I know is like into that, and that's totally fine, but that's something that I'm gonna do for myself by
Abbie: Yes. I love that. So slam poetry.
Marliese: Yeah. I don't know where it came
Abbie: I love it.
Marliese: I totally know where it came from. I was watching Ginny and Georgia. I don't know if you've seen that episode or that series, but it literally got me like through my breakup. I swear to God, Ginny and Georgia saved me through this. I binged the whole thing. And one of the characters She writes beautifully, absolutely beautifully. And she went to a slam poetry night with her dad and then like a week or two later ended up presenting one of her slam poetry. And like I was just so inspired by it. I've been reading a lot and like I've been trying to grow my vocabulary and things like that, and it's just, It's a peaceful environment that's not going to the bars and going out and doing all these things that I used to do. That's really like not the best for me. And so finding other alternatives that entertain my time without it being the typical 20 something year old activities, like I'm kind of burnt out on that. And so, Slam poetry, Pilates, I wanna do like rock climbing when
Abbie: Yeah, I just went rock climbing last weekend. I went to an indoor one and it was really, Awesome. I'm, I was surprised by how much I liked it. So yeah, I think trying new things can l really break up old patterns and get you to. Like, realize different things about yourself. I was like, as I was rock climbing, that's not really a type of movement that I typically do, but I was like, wow. I realized like how strong I am and um, how much courage I have for trying new things and hopping up on the wall when other people are watching me. And, uh, it was a very humbling experience. I could only get up about halfway on the wall and there's literally a Literal four year old next to me at the top of the, not mountain, but like the wall. Uh, I was very much humbled and the first time I went up, I was hanging there like maybe three feet off the ground. The first time I and I, I literally started tearing up my friend's like, okay, just practice coming down and like sitting into the harness and like, it will catch you. It doesn't feel like it's gonna catch you. but it's gonna catch you and you'll slow, slowly come down. And I'm like, I can't do it.I literally can't do it. this little five-year-old just whips past me, uh, from the top and comes all the way down. I'm like, why can't I go three feet? I'm like, I'm so scared. Anyway, but after I got past that first time, it was fine. And I was like, well, I actually have a lot of courage for doing this. And so you realize a lot of your yourself when you put yourself in those different scenarios, and it helps to break up the routine and create new patterns and new routines.
Marliese: Right. And it's so important to do those things like for yourself too. Like if nobody else wants to join you on that journey, do it for yourself. That's totally okay. Take yourself on solo dates, have a solo day with yourself and just. Do what you want to do. It doesn't matter if you're literally just like sitting there in the sun reading a book in a park with fruit. I do that all the time. but
Abbie: sounds amazing. That sounds
Marliese: so nice. It's
Abbie: day.
Marliese: You. can't always depend on everyone wanting to doeverything with you Like it's totally okay to do that alone. And also something that I'm trying to do within that is Since Some room in my friend circle has kind of cleared up and they're just in some unhealthy patterns that I don't align with anymore. I'm trying to put myself in places where I can meet people that do align with where I want to go. because who you surround yourself with is such a big impact on who you are. And so if you're surrounding yourself with people that don't align, then something needs to change. So putting myself in Pilates classes or. Mostly with trying to go to these slam poetry nights, I'm trying to meet people that are either where I want to be or just aligned with where I'm at.
Abbie: So good. So good because that's how you progress and that's how you be about being better. You see people who are ahead of you on the journey that you want to be like, to have the life that you wanna have or have something that you wanna have so that you can learn from them and learn from their mistakes. You can avoid their pitfalls or just be inspired by them. And then to be around people that are in the same phase of your journey that have the lifestyle that you're looking for and maybe aren't doing the habits that you're trying to get away from. That is how you better yourself. Uh, so good. And when people leave your life and kind of prune away, like if you're kind of cutting things off a tree, pruning away, it's more of a gardening term. It, that's not always a bad thing. Sometimes things have to leave your life. And we see this, we both just went through breakups, so we get it. Sometimes people are things, opportunities have to leave our life so that we. Can add more into our life. Cuz sometimes these other things are taking up energy, taking up space, taking up time, attention, money that's taking away from our actual purpose. That's taking away from our ability to get to the next level. So we have addition by subtraction and I think that's
Marliese: Yes, ma'am.
Abbie: Slay. Yes. Okay. So last question, we always close out with this, but what is one thing you're gonna do this week to make your week better?
Marliese: Honestly, I just decided like two weeks ago that I wanted to do the slam poetry night and like The snow where I'm at is finally going away. Thank God the sun is coming out. and I found a couple of local slam poetry nights here. I don't know how they're gonna go, but something that I do wanna do for myself, um, I'm going on a trip with my family here soon. And I want to try to find Slam poetry nights in every city that I go to.
Abbie: Yes.
Marliese: yeah, so this week I'm gonna try to go to some locally and then in like two weeks, I think we're going down to Portland, Oregon.
Abbie: That's like the right city for for sure. Amazing. Well, Marlis, thank you so much for joining the show and sharing your insights and your growth and just being so honest and transparent. Your journey is really inspiring and especially coming from. such a low with your eating disorder history and having to be, you know, inpatient multiple times like that. It's not an easy thing to crawl out of and look at You now. now. You're diving into personal development. You have a healthy relationship with food. You're learning to love yourself And be comfortable being on your own. And these different emotional waves that you’re going through are no longer impacting your eating because you have tools in your toolbox that allow you to, okay, even if emotionally I'm not there, or if I don't have a good appetite, here are some things that I can employ that would stimulate my appetite and make me feel better.Cuz I know I need to nourish myself and I'm building the habit for how do I show myself that I care, love and respect myself. you're building that habit and you're just an amazing example. And if it's possible for you, it's possible for so many other people too that are listening. so thank you so much for sharing your story.
Marliese: thank you Yeah, going through a quarter life crisis is weird, but I got the tools to go with it.
Abbie: Yes.
Marliese: Bye.
