Episode 46 Transcript
[00:00:00] Welcome to The Be About Being Better podcast, where we help people make evidence based sustainable. Small changes for their health that compounded the huge shifts towards a better, more vibrant life. I'm your host Abbie Stasior, a health and life coach, future registered dietician, a master's graduate from Columbia University, and a certified intuitive eating counselor.
And I believe that we can't make lasting or meaningful change single handedly. So I'm so happy that you're here so that together you can see that a diet free, sustainable lifestyle is possible, and you can leverage that to live a better life. And remember my disclaimer, This podcast is meant to give you general information.
And it's not meant to substitute or replace medical advice, a diagnosis or serve as treatment. Hello. Hello. Welcome back to the Be About Being Better podcast. In today's episode, I'm going to give you my six step formula for reframing your negative thoughts. So in this episode, we're gonna learn. How to talk nicer to ourselves. We are going to learn how to address our automatic negative thoughts, our self-deprecating thoughts, our negative self-talk.
We're gonna rewire these things, and we are going to learn how to have more self-love, have more self-compassion, and how to have more positive thoughts and how to teach ourselves how to default to the positive so that we're not automatically going to the negative. And I do this, and I teach this to my clients through my six Rs process.
And this is kind of modified from, what my therapist worked on with me. I think we all need therapy. Um, but this is a process that I have used with myself. Um, you know, definitely stems from cognitive behavioral therapy. Because if we can change our thoughts, then we can change our feelings and then we can change our actions.
We can actually change our behavior. Um, and so this is something that I've seen firsthand working with I, my therapist, that this works. I mean, I've always been known as like, happy Abby, but that doesn't mean that I don't have self-deprecating or negative self-talk.
You know, I don't, or I don't have negative thoughts. I think we all do, uh, and we have, you know, th this stuff comes up for us. It's natural. However, that doesn't mean that we have to settle and always have those negative thoughts. So by me doing this work, I've been able to. Really start to default to the positive more often.
And I've prevented myself from going down these negative self-talk rabbit holes because I use these six Rs and I use these steps that I'm gonna outline in this episode. So I know that this will help you too. So the first thing that we want to do when we have a negative thought is first, recognize what that thought is and call it out.
Because a lot of these negative self-deprecating thoughts are automatic and subconscious because we just think them so often and we don't even recognize what we're saying. So first we need to recognize and bring awareness to. What we're actually saying, what is it you're saying about your body? What is, what is it that you are repeating to yourself or about your life?
And I want you to really try and record that as as fast as possible. So that's the second R. The first R is recognize, and the second R is record. Because we gotta write it down. You can't forget exactly what you said. So if you need to write it down in a note on your phone, if you do not, you don't have access to a journal, eventually we wanna get that to our journal so that you can hand write it out.
That would be the most helpful for you. But you gotta write it down somewhere cuz you're probably not gonna remember exactly what you said in that moment because you might not be able to address it in the moment and go through the rest of these steps. But you need to give yourself that space later on to do that.
So you'll need to remember exactly what was the negative thought that you were thinking to yourself. And then the other part going to part one, recognize you need to also recognize and maybe record and take notes on what was going on at the time that you had that thought. Recognize what triggered that thought.
Was it something that someone said? Was it a certain environment? Was it a smell? Was it being around a certain friend group? Was it trying on clothes in a dressing room and something didn't fit? So then you say something to yourself. Was it some something else? Somebody walked by or something reminded you of something else?
What was it? What was going on in the environment? Oh, also other things. How were you feeling? So recognize how you were feeling. Were you stressed? Were you tired? Were you hungry at the time? Were you frustrated? Were you feeling burnt out? Over programmed, overworked, over baked. I dunno if anybody watches.
Watches, great British break off, but I love it. And they're always like over approved, over baked. Anyway, so yeah. Are we overworked? Are we over extended? Are we tired, frustrated, stressed, bored. Lonely. What is it that you were feeling at that time? What triggered this thought? And then you wanna recognize all of these things and record it, write it down, because you might not have time in the moment to go through all of these steps, but I need you to create time later to do this.
And go through the rest of these steps. This will be so important because if you go through the rest of these steps, when you have a negative thought, like when you're not thinking the negative thought, then the next time you think that thought or in that or are in that situation again, you will then have another statement.
Prepared, ready to go to reframe that negative thought, to redirect your thoughts, to redirect your energy so that you don't go down that negative rabbit hole. It's hard to do that in the moment, so we have to do that when we're not in the moment, when we are feeling okay, when we're feeling stable and when we're not, you know, feeling super negative.
Think about, okay, what's something that I could say to myself if it's not that negative thought? How could I reframe that? What's something positive that I could say? Or there's something different that I could say, and I'll give you a couple examples in this episode, but we have to do that work and go through the rest of the steps that I'll outline when we're not in the thick of the moment, so that when we're in the moment, we actually have something prepared and ready to go.
So we have to do the work at another time so that it's easier for us in future moments. So when you do give yourself that time and space to journal, I recommend this at night, um, or in the morning, but simply at night, you know, when you're kind of winding down, you've unplugged for the evening. Hopefully, hopefully we're unplugging in the evening and you're, you know, maybe just journaling about your thoughts and, you know, kind of going through your day.
And, um, Writing about what you're grateful for, reminiscing on your life. You know, just curl up with a cup of tea and let, let's journal about these things. So when you finally give yourself the time, space, energy, and attention to journal about these things, the first thing that I want you to do, so right at the top of the page, what was that thought?
What was that thought? Was it, I hate my stomach, I'm a failure. I never do anything right? People. Look at me and probably don't think I care about my body. Um, nobody could ever love me if I was this size. W what? What was the negative thought that went through your head? Put that at the top of the page.
Then I want you to try and refute that claim and be your own lawyer, because sometimes we say negative things about ourselves that just simply aren't true. And so we need to, you know, think about the data. Of, you know, that we have, and the experiences that we've gone through that would point to this not being true.
So for example, if you said to yourself like, oh, I'm a failure, like I never do anything. Right? And that's what you were saying to yourself in the moment, okay. I need you to be your own lawyer here and recognize that this is not true. It's not that you never do anything, right. Number one, we're all human.
We all make mistakes. Nobody's perfect. But everyone does something right? You have done many things in your life, right? You are not giving yourself enough credit. So write down several things that you did do right, that you have done right in the past that you've actually done excellent at, and that you consistently do really well.
Write those things down and be your own lawyer and refute that claim of the negative thought. Then we need to work to reframe it. And we're gonna come up with a statement. So whenever this negative thought comes up again, you now have another thought, another statement, ready to go, to reframe it. So if you say, oh, I'm a failure, we have something, boom.
We got something ready to go to try and squash that thought so that you don't keep going down that negative rabbit hole. Cause we wanna stop those thoughts. We wanna nip it right there because if you keep going that it just gets worse and then it makes us. The negative thoughts that are perpetuated, it leads to worse feelings, brings us down, and then that changes our behavior.
So whatever our thoughts are, whatever our perception of the situation is, our perceptions of ourselves, or at least whatever we're thinking, changes our affect, changes our feeling, and that changes our thoughts about ourselves. And then that can translate to our behavior. And that can translate to our actions.
So sometimes like if we think to ourselves like, oh, like people must think that, you know, I don't care about my health. If they saw my body, if they saw what size I was, and then maybe that, you know, that's our perception. So then that gets us feeling like, oh, like, you know, I hate my stomach. And it's like, well, you know, nobody could ever love me if I was at this size.
So it's like, you know, all of these things, we think about how other people are perceiving us, we're shaming our body, really bringing ourselves down, that's gonna make us feel worse and worse and worse. So then finally, we're gonna reach a breaking point and be like, screw it. I'm gonna start a new diet.
I'm gonna cut out all carbs now I'm gonna restrict my calories. I'm gonna work out excessively, I'm gonna start on Monday. I'm gonna do the thing and I'm, I'm really gonna do it this time. And. I'm just gonna go super hard and I'm gonna change my life and everything's gonna get better once I lose the weight, which we know that that whole process is problematic.
Something we're getting away from. We've tried this before, we know it doesn't work, and that leads us to empty promises and more guilt and more shame. Because it's not sustainable and it's feeding into diet culture, but it stems from these negative thoughts that then turn and spiral into negative feelings that then give us a ripple effect to then negative, unhealthy, restrictive dieting actions.
So we gotta nip it at the thought. So we gotta back it up, nip it at the thought. And it's important to know as we're reframing this, I think a lot of people are like, oh, just reframe to the positive. But if you, if your thought is like, I hate my stomach. And then your positive thought is, well, I love my stomach.
Like, that's not gonna work. You're not gonna believe that. So I don't think that that's good. We don't always have to default to the positive because in the moment when we're feeling bad about ourselves and we're having a bad body image day, we're probably not gonna be able to just in a one liner, turn it all around and be all body positive.
It's also not realistic to be body positive every single day. And just be loving your body every single day. But just because it's not realistic to be fully body positive every day doesn't mean that we need to be body negative and that we need to be defaulting there. and just because we can't research doesn't mean that we need to be just, just harping on the negative.
So it's important that when we're thinking about a statement to reframe that. It's a little bit more neutral. So just because , we can't be super positive, doesn't mean that we have to harp on the negative So can we meet in the middle and make this a more neutral statement and that can help to regulate our emotions, reframing negative thoughts and decreasing our negative self-talk is also involved with emotional regulation.
So this can help to regulate your emotions and feelings and not be, you know, so hysterical about things. It can really help to regulate your emotions. So we wanna try and be a little bit more neutral cuz that can help to neutralize the situation. So say, if you say to yourself like, oh, like people must look at me and think that I don't care about my health, or that I don't exercise, or that I'm not healthy.
Something neutral that you could say to yourself is, People probably aren't paying attention. And you know what? That's probably true. Most people are so consumed with themselves, they're literally not even looking at you. And if they are looking at you, they might not be having any thoughts about you, and they probably forgot that they were looking at you.
You know what I mean? Like people aren't paying attention. So that would be something to help neutralize you in that moment, in that situation. Like, oh, people must think, oh, people aren't thinking about you. People probably aren't paying attention. So that could be one example of something you could already have one a one liner of to reframe that negative thought and stop that negative thought from spiraling somewhere else.
If you say, Ugh, I hate my stomach. Maybe a thought to reframe that could be my stomach digests food. Maybe that could be helpful and some of these reframes. I, you know, there's another dietician, um, Dylan that I, I really, really like. She's got another podcast, you know, and I got to intern with her. She's, um, a registered dietician.
She also went through my program. She, um, has her own private practice as well, and her and I were talking about some of these and she, she suggested that as a good one, like my stomach digests food. Um, and I, and I like that because it reminds us that our bodies serve a function and , it can help us be grateful for all that our bodies do and all that our bodies have been through.
Instead of just shaming our bodies, it's like, wow, we should be appreciating our bodies and recognize the vital functions that our bodies do every single day outside of our looks and our vanity, like they are functional. So that can help to neutralize the situation. And if you think to yourself, another thought is like, oh, nobody could ever love me at this size.
What if you asked yourself, like, what if that thought just wasn't true? What if it wasn't true? Like, what if you asked yourself that? Like, and thought about what came up, what if that thought wasn't true? And what if you were lovable at your size because you are. Could you just open your mind up to that?
It might be very hard to say like, I am lovable at this size, because you might not believe it, even though it's true. You might not believe it. So saying and putting, what if before that? What if that wasn't true? What if I was lovable? That could open your mind. I'm like, oh, wow. Like if I was at this size, like I would go for it.
I'd ask them out. I'd go apply for that job. I'd walk in with confidence. So that might open up some possibilities and get you to recognize that you can still live your life regardless of what size you are. A lot of people wait to start living their lives until they've lost this weight, and then they're just in this diet restrict binge guilt cycle.
They're stuck in diet culture and they're just missing out on their lives. So what if you asked yourself, what if that thought wasn't true and see what comes up for you. And then sometimes people will just say like, screw it. I'm going to eat carbs now, or I'm gonna start a new diet. What if Instead you said to yourself, that behavior doesn't align with my values.
And that could help to neutralize the situation because even in the thick of the moment when we're feeling bad, we're like, oh, I'm just so desperate for a solution. I'm just so desperate to feel better and to feel different than I do right now. Cause I feel gross, . Bloated, lonely, tired, exhausted, .
And I just wanna feel different. But we know that dieting restriction, This isn't serving us long term, and you all are listening to this podcast because you know that dieting doesn't serve you. You've been through it, you've tried the eyes, and you know that you just end up worse on the other side. So it's not within your values anymore to lean into a quick fix, a get fit, quick solution.
You're about sustainability. You're about, what can I maintain over the long term? I'm out. I'm and you are too, about investing in what's gonna be ground for the long haul. You want something that you can depend on. You value loyalty, and you value something that's going to serve you over the long term, and you value respect, and this diet is not gonna treat your body with respect.
So if you think about, and you're aware of your core values and then you feel this urge to diet, saying like, okay, that that action and that behavior doesn't align with my values, that can be really helpful in a good wake up call moment to be like, oh, wow, like this wouldn't lead to me treating my body with respect.
This wouldn't be kind, this wouldn't be loving, this wouldn't be. Sustainable. So I'm not gonna do it anymore. So that can be really helpful to help neutralize the situation, get you outta the moment. And like I said, not, you know, these reframe statements don't have to be super, like body positive, super happy.
They just need to be neutral to help you not be so negative and to help nip that. So I want you. To really take this time to journal about the negative thoughts that come up for you and think about what could your reframe statement be, because this will help to regulate your emotions and recalibrate you and have you not feel so negative in the moment.
And then this will help to reframe your mind and help you to default to the positive. Because we are going to be repeating these things over and over and over again. So once you have your statement, it's gonna recalibrate your emotions and you're gonna want to, the last are repeat this statement over and over again.
Every time this thought comes up for you. So you gotta have that statement ready on hands that when you have that negative thought, oh hi my stomach. You could say, my stomach digests food. I'm grateful for what my body's gotten me through. You have that ready to go. And every time that you say stay, every time that you say that new statement, it is going to, it's, this is a concept called neuroplasticity.
Our minds have the ability to form new pathways and create new habits in different neuronal connections. We have the ability to do this and rewire our thoughts, and it happens through repetition. So you have to be repeating this over and over again to really weaken the negative thoughts that you don't want anymore and strengthen the positive thoughts or the more neutral thoughts that you want to automate moving forward.
But that comes from repetition, and that's our four Rs. That's our process to reframing our thoughts. It takes time, energy, and attention from you in the beginning to think about, okay, and recognize what. Is this thought that I'm having and recognize the situation that I'm in because you might not always be.
I mean, you will be able to stop the thoughts once you have these thoughts to reframe. Um, but you also might be able to change things about the situation as well. So if certain people are triggering you, if certain situations are triggering you, like dressing rooms or a huge trigger for people, maybe you need to be buying stuff online so that you can try things on in the comfort of your own home.
And kind of remove that situation for yourself. Maybe you need to cut other triggers out of it. Like if you always have a lot of negative thoughts around your period and it's really, really bad, maybe you need to start leaning into cycles sinking and getting more personalized support with this to optimize your p M s symptoms.
So that's not so bad. It's normal for emotions to fluctuate with the fluctuations of our hormones, and we tend to be more sensitive when we're PMSing. And when we're in ludial phase and when we're in menstrual phase, however, like there are things that we can do in our lifestyle to not have it be so bad and to better deal with those fluctuations.
And that's where you, some personalized coaching support could be really helpful and. There are things that you can do when you're stressed and when you're tired, when you're feeling lonely to change those situations so you're not feeling those things anymore. So then hopefully if you're changing the triggers, then those thoughts are coming up less and less.
And we also wanna recognize like what thoughts are coming up and then have this reframe statement to replace it with. So the first step, the first R is to recognize. What are you actually saying to yourself and what's going on in the situation where that thought is coming up? We gotta record it down.
Gotta write it down. We wanna refute that claim. You gotta be your own lawyer. Give yourself some credit why that's not true. Reframe it. Come up with another neutral statement that you could replace the thought with. You want to recalibrate. So you wanna let that neutral thought, your new reframing thought, regulate your emotions, and then you wanna repeat, put it on, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat that new reframed statement and that will help to rewire.
This really should be, I feel like I've named like seven, eight, or nine other Rs, so now at this point, but that will help rewire your neuronal connections and help to strengthen. This new reframed thought that you wanna have and that will help you default to the positive and not be so negative and to really nip those negative self-talk and that those self-deprecating thoughts in the bud.
I hope that this was helpful. Let me know what your reframed statements are. I always get these examples from my clients, so I would love to get more examples and hear what's working for you, like what actually works for you to say to yourself in the moment to neutralize the situation. So let me know on Instagram and I will see y'all in the next episode.
Hey y'all. Thanks again for listening to the Be About Being Better podcast. I so appreciate you. If this episode made you laugh, smile, think about yourself or your life differently, in any way, making your life better, I empower you to share the show with three people who just like you, need to hear this message and have this type of transformation in their lives.
I personally read all the reviews the show and see the Instagram story shares. It honestly gives me so much joy to see that our mission is making people's lives better, and the reviews really do help in increasing our impact. So thank you so much for taking the time to do that. If you need personalized support with anything discussed in today's episode or need help creating a sustainable diet free lifestyle, take my quiz.
It's linked below in the show notes, and that quiz will help you see which one of our coaching programs is right for you. Thank you so much again for listening and hears to being about being better.
